Please assess my GRE writing :-)

The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.
“Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station’s coverage of weather and local news. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have canceled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand our coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs.”
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence if needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In the memo, the writer, who is the business manager of a television station, recommends that in order to attract more viewers, the allotted time to weather reports and local news should shoot up. However, the argument relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumption which each can be questioned in one way or another, therefore is unpersuasive as it stands.

Some specific evidence is needed to strengthen the argument. For example, the author assumes that all received complaints were about asking for giving more time to local news and weather programs. Nevertheless, no evidence is rendered to prove that this is the case. It is entirely possible that the complaints were about the low-quality of the programs, or maybe they have questioned the validity of the news. Therefore, reliable evidence should be offered by writer to help pinpointing the real problem.

Another problem with the argument is that the author premises that the flux of complaints as well as the diminution in the business advertisements are attributable to the increment of the late-night national news time. Nonetheless, there is no evidence in this regard. Many other plausible factors could serve such difficulties. For example, it is equally possible that global recession begs a slump in the business marketing during the last year. Consequently, businessmen obliged to reduce those spendthrift policies, such as advertisement. Therefore, in this situation, the writer needs to provide trustworthy evidence to prove the close link between the assumptions and conclusion.

Finally, a valid survey should be conducted to find the chief reason of viewer attrition over the past year. As a likely, a television station was inaugurated in past year, whose comedic programs have grabbed the attraction of the audiences. Without ruling out this or other probable alternative explanations, the conclusion of the recommendation is neither valid nor reliable without reservation.
To sum up, close scrutiny of the argument reveals that so as to convince the reader, presenting more evidence and conducting survey are of great necessity and significant.

Hi, not too bad. I liked your content. You still have quite a few odd word choices though.