People will spend less time on cooking food in 20 years

Mr. Kitos,
Please help me refine this essay.
Thank you!

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People will spend less time on cooking food in 20 years

In modern society, people have less time to prepare food. There are too many matters for them to deal with, such working, studying, etc. There are more problems to be addressed, and there is a lot of information for them to absorb and arrange. Therefore, people are forced to become competitive. This kind of life may continue for 20 years from now, and even longer. To survive in such busy life, people would turn to restaurantS for delicious meals.

First, people become busier nowadays than before. In the past, people fed on themselves by agriculture. They tended to live in a local place all over/ throughout their lives. They had more time preparing home-made food. However, after industrial evolution, people have to put more effort to survive. Globalization causes the people from different countries compete to make their own profits. They turn out not to have sufficient time to cook food because of busy working. This may be constant in the future.

Next, people may prefer to eat outside to enjoy effective meals. Eating outside provides a good way for them to save time, because people don’t have to spend time on buying materials and awaiting food cooking. In addition, there are many restaurants endeavoring to satisfy customers’ needs. The food there may be more delicious than home-made food.

In conclusion, to enjoy delicious meals and use time economically, eating outside will become a growing trend for people. In the future, there will be more complicated problems to be solved, so people need to spend more time handling/ dealing with various matters. Therefore, it is possible that home-made food will receive less attention.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student need money?

Mr. Kitos,
Please help me refine this essay.
Thank you!

Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People will spend less time on cooking food in 20 years

In modern society, people have less time to prepare food. There are too many matters for them to deal with, such as working, studying, etc. There are more problems to be addressed, and there is a lot of information for them to absorb and arrange. Therefore, people are forced to become competitive. This kind of life may continue for 20 years from now, and even longer. To survive in such a busy life, people would turn to restaurantS for delicious meals.

First, people are busier nowadays than ever before. In the past, people fed themselves through their own agriculture. They tended to live in only one place throughout their lives. They had more time to prepare home-made food. However, after the Industrial Revolution, people had to put in more effort to survive. Globalization caused the people from different countries to compete to make their own profits. They turn out not to have sufficient time to cook food because of their busy working lives. This may be constant in the future.

Next, people may prefer to eat outside to enjoy effective meals. Eating outside provides a good way for them to save time, because people don’t have to spend time buying materials and awaiting food cooking. In addition, there are many restaurants endeavouring to satisfy customers’ needs. The food there may be more delicious than home-made food.

In conclusion, to enjoy delicious meals and use time economically, eating outside will become a growing trend for people. In the future, there will be more complicated problems to be solved, so people may need to spend even more time dealing with various matters. Therefore, it is possible that home-made food will receive less attention.

Good work Yecochi.

Kitos. 8/10

[color=blue]Thanks, Mr. Kitos.
I have some other questions which is colored in the second paragraph.

In modern society, people have less time to prepare food. There are too many matters for them to deal with, such working, studying, etc. There are more problems to be addressed, and there is a lot of information for them to absorb and arrange. Therefore, people are forced to become competitive. This kind of life may continue for 20 years from now, and even longer. To survive in such A busy life, people would turn to restaurantS for delicious meals.

First, people ARE become busier nowadays than EVER before. In the past, people fed on themselves THROUGH THEIR OWN by agriculture. They tended to live in ONLY ONE PLACEa local place all over/ throughout their lives. They had more time TO PREPARE preparing home-made food. However, after the Industrial Evolution, people [color=red]had (why not have?) to [color=red]put more effort in to survive. Globalization [color=red]caused (why not causes?) the people from different countries compete to make their own profits. They turn out not to have sufficient time to cook food because of their busy working lives. This may be constant in the future.

[color=blue]1.
I want to compare people’s lives before and after the Industrial Evolution. Could it be a fact or my viewpoint? Could I use “present tense” to emphasize their lives after that evolution?
2. I’ve checked the idiom, “put effort…”, from dictionary.

Next, people may prefer to eat outside to enjoy effective meals. Eating outside provides a good way for them to save time, because people don’t have to spend time on buying materials and awaiting food cooking. In addition, there are many restaurants endeavoring to satisfy customers’ needs. The food there may be more delicious than home-made food.

In conclusion, to enjoy delicious meals and use time economically, eating outside will become a growing trend for people. In the future, there will be more complicated problems to be solved, so people MAY need to spend EVEN more time handling/ dealing with various matters. Therefore, it is possible that home-made food will receive less attention.

“I want to compare people’s lives before and after the Industrial Evolution.”

Then you must show this in your text.

“In the past…”
“Whereas nowadays…”

“people had (why not have?) to put more effort in to survive. Globalization caused (why not causes?)”

Because you are writing in the past tense!

First, people ARE become busier nowadays than EVER before. In the past, people fed on themselves THROUGH THEIR OWN by agriculture. They tended to live in ONLY ONE PLACEa local place all over/ throughout their lives. They had more time TO PREPARE preparing home-made food. However, after the Industrial Evolution, people [color=red]had (why not have?) to [color=red]put more effort in to survive. [color=blue] Whereas nowadays people have to put more effort to survive/ into surviving. Industrialization and globalization cause the people from different countries compete to make their own profits. They turn out not to have sufficient time to cook food because of their busy working lives. This may be constant in the future.

[color=blue]Could I write in this way?