People have failed in animal protection - IELTS Task 2

Hi Luschen. Could you please help me revise my IELTS essay? Thank you in advance.

Topic: People have failed in animal protection. Why? What should be done to solve this?

It is clear that animals’ life recently cannot be guaranteed anymore, as they are being damaged by people behaviour. While there many reasons for this trend, society can take steps to mitigate the problem.

There are several reasons why people have failed to address animal protection. Firstly, many meat-eaters argue that animals are below humans in the food chain, so that it is completely natural for us to kill them for food. In fact, animal meat is currently considered the main ingredient in traditional meals. Secondly, as food production have had to keep pace with soaring populations, chemical fertilisers and pesticides have been used to rise dramatically crop yields, resulting in water supplies contaminated. In that scenario, a wide range of marine species may suffer. Finally, we are destroying wildlife habitats by cutting down enormous areas of forests, which leads to the extinction of many species of animals and plants.

I believe that the best way to save endangered species should be to protect natural habitats by various actions. One simple solution would be for individuals to try to be greener. For example, we should choose a vegetarian diet in order to limit our daily intake of animal meat, or take public transport rather than driving private cars, this behavior is supposed to reduce exhaust fumes. Another solution should be for governments to impose laws that set limits on the amount of chemical substances used in agricultural systems, and encourage farmers to produce organic food. Thus, whenever we are able to ensure the safety of natural environments that animals live in, they can continue to thrive.

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that people could not preserve animals’ life by the cooperation between individuals and governments.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social sciences class

Hi, I think the prompt for this one was a little vague and I wish you had clarified it a little in your introduction. I guess it means preserving endangered species, but it might be treating animals humanely, mainly domestic animals and perhaps laboratory animals. These are two pretty different issues, but if you clarify in your introduction which aspect you will discuss, it would be better. Your writing also had quite a few awkward phrases and usage errors, especially in your intro and first body paragraph. I don’t think this one would make it to the band 7 level.

Hi Luschen. This is my revised version based on your comments. Hope you enjoy it. :smiley:

It is clear that people’s recent behavior does not protect endangered spices, but pose a serious threat to them. While there many apparent evidences for this trend, society can take steps to mitigate the problem.

There are several reasons why people have failed to address animal protection. Firstly, the increasing demand of fashionable products such as wallets or bags made of fur from animals like leopard has been pushing them into dangerous situations. Secondly, as food production has had to keep pace with soaring populations, chemical fertilisers and pesticides have been used to dramatically raise crop yields, resulting in water supplies becoming contaminated. In that scenario, a wide range of marine species may suffer. Finally, we are destroying wildlife habitats by cutting down enormous areas of forests for housing and farming, which leads to the extinction of many species of animals and plants.

I believe that the best way to save endangered species should be to protect natural habitats through various actions. One simple solution would be for individuals to try to live greener or enhance a sense of environmental protection. For example, we should choose environmentally friendly products like recyclable clothing and textiles or take public transport rather than driving private cars, as this behavior is supposed to reduce exhaust fumes. Another solution should be for governments to impose laws that set limits on the amount of chemical substances used in agricultural systems, and encourage farmers to produce organic food. Thus, whenever we are able to ensure the safety of natural environments that animals live in, they can continue to thrive.

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to protect endangered animals by the cooperation between individuals and governments.

Hi, I thought this was a lot better, getting closer to a band 8, but still a few too many minor errors - watch out for the non-countable singular nouns. grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/noncount.htm