Need some feedback and score I can expect with this essay. Appreciate all your help in advance.
Topic -
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Essay -
Education is very important aspect of ones life. Education brings more choices and options in a persons life. With the proper knowledge and information
a person can make correct decisions in life, which will lead him/her in right directions.People attend college or university to enhance their existing knowledge
and get more exposure of outer world to advance both in career and life.
As a person progress in their career, to move quickly to next level in position or responsibility, they require enhanced and updated knowledge or eduction for which it requires them to attend university or college. In case of a typical corporate ladder to move from a non managerial position to managerial position company prefer to fill the position with someone who is having a MBA degree than just a bachelor degree.
In life, to steer clearly through various challenges, involves making right decisions and choosing right options. This requires enhanced knowledge, information and exposure.
To choose the correct career path, using tools and information to build a sound personal financial plan, to provide guidance to own children or siblings for right
path in life and career, providing a conducive environment for overall growth for family members - all these major life decisions can be taken in a better way with higher knowledge which comes through attending universities and colleges.
To conclude people attend college and universities to increase their knowledge, gain exposure and get new experience, which will make their own life and life of family member better.
Essay -
Education is A very important aspect of ones life. Education brings more choices and options in a persons life. With the proper knowledge and information
a person can make correct decisions in life, which will lead him/her in THE right direction. People attend college or university to enhance their existing knowledge
and get more exposure TO THE outer world to advance both in career and life.
As a person progressES in their career, to move quickly to THE next level OF RESPONSIBILITY in position or responsibility, they require enhanced and updated knowledge or eduction for which it WHICH requires them to attend university or college. In THE case of a typical corporate ladder, to move from a non managerial position to A managerial position, MOST companIES prefer to fill the position with someone who is having HAS a MBA degree RATHER than just a bachelor degree.
In life, to steer clearly through various challenges, involves making right decisions and choosing THE right options. This requires enhanced knowledge, information and exposure.
To choose the correct career path, ONE NEEDS TO USE tools and information to build a sound personal financial plan, to provide guidance to ONE’S own children or siblings for right path in life and career, providE a conducive environment for overall growth for family members - all these major life decisions can be taken in a better way with higher knowledge, which comes through attending universities and colleges.
To conclude people attend college and universities to increase their knowledge, gain exposure and GAIN new experienceS, which will make their own LIVES and THE LIVES of family member better.
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Good morning Ussm and WELCOME to our Forum. This was pretty good, but I had the unshakeable feeling that it was written in a great hurry.
Thanks Kitos for the review and comment. I was trying to complete the essay in 30 mins which is actual TOEFL test time. Do you think I should spend initially more time to write the essay?
Please let me know -
Is the “8/10” in your signature means this essay is rated as 8 out of 10 in scale.
Hi, I was being asked to give marks out of ten by several students, so I complied. I hasten to add that this is my own opinion of the work and should not be considered to be in any way an official scoring.
I take into consideration the improvement of the students with whom I am familiar. I’m sure that the TOEFL examiners have no such sentiments.
Strange as it may seem my scoring has proven to be pretty accurate in the past. If you replace the ten with thirty (the official score maximum) then that would give my eight an equivalent twenty-four in the actual test.
“Do you think I should spend initially more time to write the essay?”
I feel five minutes to jot down your ideas.
Twenty minutes of actual writing.
Five minutes to review … will cover it nicely.
Three good ideas. Three sensible paragraphs. A concise conclusion. A brief review … you’re done!
