I would be grateful for correction to my essay for TOEFL Independent task.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy; we should take action now rather than later.
In the modern era, How to become a successful person in life has raised a lot of debates among academicians. One the most contentious questions, which is often raised regarding this issue, is whether to get the best result we should take action immediately or wait a moment and think more. There are various perspectives toward this issue, as some people might believe that you should start to implement your decision as soon as possible, while others maintain an opposite view and they think patience will have better result. I personally concur with the latter perspective. I contend that the more you wait and think, the less possibility to fail.
The first point that is worth bearing in mind is the fact that when one wants to make an important decision he/she should consider a lot of aspect to make the best choice and this consumes a lot of time. To shed light on this matter, I want to mention an example. Consider that you want to establish a restaurant and you have enough budget to support the expanses, so you just choose a place and start your work without any investigation, but you may not make profit well, due to the fact that you do not consider a lot of other substantial facets and factors such as the place of the restaurant in the town, the financial condition of nearby people in that area and so forth. Consequently, after a while you will lose your zeal to continue and you will leave that job. As result, patience and probe for contributing agents is necessary for taking action.
The second reason which deserves some words here is that if one decides to make a decision hastily, he will deprive himself from others’ experience. Today in such a sophisticated world you can find an experienced person in any complex issue. It goes without saying that a work or decision which accompanied by others’ points of view could be less risky and you can enjoy the sense of safety, for example in such an enterprise issue. The noteworthy statistics, revealed by recent research at Johns Hopkins University, indicate that when people want to make a decision and they hesitate about the consequences, they will search for an expert to consult with and the final result of such a consultation is far better than actions that just has been started without any consultation.
To make a long story short, all the aforementioned reasons and examples lead us to the conclusion that when there is not an emergency situation you are not required to make fast and hurry decision. It would be fair to say that patience always plays an important role in taking action. However, that was the story in a nutshell; actually there are a myriad of other reasons and examples supporting my opinion, which are not mentioned above due to the dearth of time. All in all, it is highly recommended that a survey be conducted to assess what other profound impacts patience could have on the process and result of an action.
Hi Bestwayy, I didn’t think this was one of your strongest essays. You addressed the topic well and I liked your first example, but many of your phrases sounded a little off and you had a few sentences that were confusing to me. Overall, I would rate this one a 3.5 out of 5.