Parents are the best teachers

[Quang1997]

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

“School is our second home, teachers are our second parents” - That’s what we hear when we go to a place called school, so where is our first home? It is the lovely home where we live, and also where we are taught to be a good, intelligent people by our parents. That’s why we have a saying that “Parents are the best teachers”. Me, as a student, I agree with it.

When the children were young, parents are the people who teach them how to walk, to talk, to eat, to drink, to communicate politely to everyone in the community as well as to relatives or family member,… Since it is close to parents from a young age, the distance between them has a strong connection, so teaching their children is easy for most parents, they know the good things their children do to encourage them doing well in the future, along with the things that they lack to help them finish it better without scolding. As you can see, a father can tell his little daughter to get up earlier everyday which is not easy for teachers. Another reason is that children may find that they can only share their personal problems to their parents.

On the other hand, the parents who are well- trained can teach their children more efficiently than the lowbrow parents. They teach their children the good, even right things productively and quickly; that is understandable, of course, parents who have good parenting skills, their children will be more likely to listen to them and educate them easily. For example, when parents tell their children to do their homework, the well- educated children will do it immediately but the other children still do another things such as watching TV, playing computer games,…

In conclusion, I want to say parents are the good teachers for every children, they show us every good things we need to do, we should love them with all our heart, learn the wonderful things that they bring to us.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why do Birds of Paradise have amazing plumages?

[Luschen]

Hi Phuong, I really liked your introduction in this one. It was a huge improvement from some of your other essays. Your first body paragraph was also pretty strong,
apart from the last sentence, which really seems “tacked on” to the end of the paragraph.
Your second body paragraph on the other hand was confusing to me and didn’t really seem to support your thesis very well. Your essay ended strong though,
with a good conclusion. Here are some other suggestions:

@Quang1997

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

“School is our second home, teachers are our second parents” - That [is] what we hear when we go to a place called school, so [then] where is our first home? It is [of course] the lovely home where we live, and also where we are taught to be a good, intelligent people by our parents. That’s why we have [another] saying that “Parents are the best teachers”. [I], as a student, [agree with this statement.] I agree with it. {Wow, this is a really good introduction. It grabs the reader’s attention and flows very naturally and smoothly into the thesis statement}

{start with a transition phrase - maybe “To begin, when …”} When the children [are] young, parents are the people who teach them how to walk, to talk, to eat, to drink, [and] to communicate politely to everyone in the community[, including] relatives or family member[s. ] Since [offspring are] it is close to parents from a young age, the [short] distance between them [creates] a strong connection, so teaching their children is easy for most parents[. T]hey {you use “they” in this sentence to refer to parents here, but to children later - it would be more clear to use “parents” here, so “they” always refers to the children throughout the whole sentence} know the good things their children [should] do to encourage them doing [allow them to do] well in the future, along with the things that they lack[, so parents] help them finish it [“finish it” is a little unclear - finish what?} better without scolding. As you can see[ For example], a father can tell his little daughter to get up earlier [every day,] which is not easy for teachers. Another reason is that children may find that they can only share their personal problems [with] their parents. {this sentence is not tied in with the rest of the paragraph very well. Another reason for what?}

On the other hand,{this transition is not correct here, as you are not really giving a contrasting situation} the parents who are well- trained can teach their children more efficiently than the lowbrow parents.{people are not usually referred to as “lowbrow” - lowbrow refers to the movies or books that these people prefer} They teach their children the good, even right things productively and quickly[. T]hat is understandable, of course[;] parents who have good parenting skills, their children will be more likely to listen to them and educate them easily. {this is saying that the children will be more likely to educate the parents easily - you need to restructure this sentence} For example, when parents tell their children to do their homework, the well- educated children will do it immediately but the other children still do another things such as watching TV [and]playing computer games,… {don’t use ellipses in formal essays} {this paragraph was pretty confusing to me. What is the point you are trying to make? That well-educated parents are better teachers? This doesn’t really seem to support your thesis. If you agree with the statement, you are saying that all parents, rich or poor, well cultured or not very cultured, are the best teachers}

In conclusion, I want to say parents are the good {it is either “are good teachers” or “are the best teachers”} teachers for every [child]children[. T]hey show us every good things[deed] we need to do, [so] we should love them with all our heart, [and] learn the wonderful things [lessons] that they bring to us.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why do Birds of Paradise have amazing plumages?