Owning your own business or working for an employer

This is a TOEFL essay. Hope it is not as boring as the others .
I’ve finished this within 30’. Amazing. Sound like it is much easier to write something basing on your own idea. Please give me any comment you may have. Thanks so much

Do you want to work for an employer, or you want to own a business? Despite the fact that working as an employee will be much “easier to breath”, running a business by myself still be my choice. Because when you own a business, you have to chance do business on what you interested in, you can monitor and control it the way you want. And the most wonderful thing is that as you own the business, you own all the benefit from it.

Firstly, you can choose what you want to work on if you are the business owner. It may be something you are good at or whatever you are attracted to. This could double the chance of your success since people usually work harder; do better on what they love to do.

Secondly, you can run your business the way you want. This is one of the most amazing parts. Since you can choose the way operating the business, you have the chance to demonstrate your ability and creativity. You could never do this when you employed by the other people because you may be forced to work following your boss’s point of view. As you can try on anything you think of, you experience more and learn faster. This will bring you invaluable experience that no academic course can.

Lastly, the most interesting thing and often be the main reason someone choose to start their own business: benefit. Because you are the boss, you are the first and the direct person get benefit from your business. When you work for your self, what you got is what you give, the more you work, the bigger your benefit is. When you work for somebody else, you just got a modest proportion of benefit, because you have to share it with your higher level boss.

In general, when you work for an employer, you do not have to suffer as much pressure as when you work for your self on your own business. But looking back on the profit both in money and experience that your own business brings to you, you will know that it is definitely worthy: you will find yourself happy everyday since you doing something you like in the way you want; and you will take the overall advantage of your business’s benefit.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention Mona Lisa?

This is a TOEFL essay. Hope it is not as boring as the others .
I’ve finished this within 30’. Amazing. Sound like it is much easier to write something basing on your own idea. Please give me any comment you may have. Thanks so much

Do you want to work for an employer, or DO you want to own a business? Despite the fact that working as an employee will be much “easier to breath”, running a business by myself WOULD still be my choice(,) because when you own a business, you have THE chance TO do A business on what you interested in, you can monitor and control it the way you want(,) and the most wonderful thing is that YOU NOT ONLY OWN THE BUSINESS, you ALSO own all the benefit from it.

Firstly, you can choose what you want to work on if you are the business owner. It may be something you are good at(,) or whatever you are attracted to. This could double the chance of your success since people usually work harder; do better AT what they love to do.

Secondly, you can run your business the way you want. This is one of the most amazing parts. Since you can choose the way operating the business, you have the chance to demonstrate your ability and creativity. You could never do this when you ARE employed by the other people(,) because you may be forced to work following your boss’s point of view. As you can try on anything you think of, you experience more and learn faster. This will bring you invaluable experience that no academic course can.

Lastly, the most interesting thing(,) and IT CAN often be the main reason someone chooseS to start their own business: benefit. Because you are the boss, you are the first and the direct person TO get benefit from your business. When you work for (yourself,) what you got is what you give, the more you work, the bigger your benefit is. When you work for somebody else, you just got a modest proportion of benefit, because you have to share it with your higher level boss.

In general, when you work for an employer, you do not have to suffer as much pressure as when you work for (yourself) on your own business. But looking back on the profit both in money and experience that your own business brings to you, you will know that it is definitely worthy: you will find yourself happy everyday since you doing something you like in the way you want; and you will take the overall advantage of your business’s benefit.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
If only it were that easy BS! OK, your essay was fine. Remember, yourself is one word, not two.

Kitos. 8/10