My sixth essay, I will appreciate any suggestion and revise. Thanks very much

This is my newest essay, I appreciate your help very much.

I hope this essay will not be too bad. {is it correct grammar? “will not be too bad”}

Personally, I prefer to write about technology and computer because I think I’m familiar with it. In addition, I plan to study in college of computing and digital media. However, before that come true, I have to pass Toefl ibt. So I have to practice in every subject but it is often that I don’t have much knowledge in some subject so I’m sorry if it come out to be awkward essay.

When people succeed in life, it is because of hard work. Being lucky has nothing to do with success in life." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

Every people who have been successful in life had to meet many obstacles before succeeding their goal. Almost all people deny that being lucky has nothing to do with their success but how can they overcome the obstacle? Although there is no oppose against that someone being successful mainly comes from their will and attempt. But in fact, luck is also something very powerful to help them meet their ambition; It is something we called {should I add “as” at this point?} destiny and coincidence. Thus I disagree with the quotation.

First of all, we can easily see how luck get involve in our daily life; To illustrate this, we have something that we can’t control by will and attempt. For example, everybody can’t be sure that they will be the winner in lottery and bet. in this situation their will and effort are absolutely nothing to do with the success. Actually, everybody have often prayed for fortunate life and made a wish for better life. It gives them a hope which make them have more spirit to overcome obstacles.

Secondly, luck plays a major role in successful life, I can tell it is luck if you are the one who have born with full of 32 completed organs as well as if you have a good expression, additionally you also cannot choose your father and mother when you was born. From my experience, I have often faced in fortunate and unfortunate events; Sometime I found myself that I was extremely unlucky. For example, when everything was not going according to my plan despite I planned it very well but sometime it was opposite. Moreover, especially if you are in love or having a family, can you explain how much lucky was you when you was able to meet your lover. Consequently, you life change very much according to your luck; it can determine your fate. So how can you being success in life if luck turn against you.

In short, people have many things in their life which cannot be controlled by their diligence. But it much more depend on their luck. We cannot complete our goal without it, To be ridiculously honest, I am the one that have to pray for my luck to bring me the hope that this essay will be scored high; because it is also something that my afford has nothing to do with it after I finished. As you can see, luck plays major part of our success and exists everywhere.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation in a professor’s office between a professor and a student

Hi, your essays are always very interesting to read. You have no problem coming up with reasons and examples to support your thesis. Your grammar on the other hand needs some work. Please review your verb conjugations for I, you, he she it, we, and they. You really shouldn’t be making mistakes like “you was” or “if luck turn against you”. These are pretty basic. Much of your writing is very good and you have great sentence structures, but these little errors just don’t reflect well on your essay. I would also disagree with your final example in your conclusion. The TOEFL grading (or maybe my grading) may seem completely random, but most of it actually is based on your effort and skill. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5, but maybe you want to go double or nothing …