My fifth essay, could you check and rate it? Thanks a lot

  1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” means to continue working toward a goal in spite of difficulties. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Among the large amount of sayings that are well-known in the world, this one is one of the best for me. I think that is really important to try again, to endure, to put yourself into something if you think that what you’re doing is relevant for yourself. It could be an exam, for example, an admission for a student who’s applying for a famous university, it could be a job you’ve just started or a sport for which you’ve trained a lot: whatever you’re putting all your efforts in, don’t give up but try again. One of the famous spot I’ve enjoyed the most, had a famous basketball player who told that the key of his success were not all of his victories but all of his defeats and failures. Repeating something until you achieve the goal fixed, is really useful for two main purposes: for reaching the goal itself and for your self-estimate.
First of all, trying something again is fundamental to reach the goal itself. There are many causes that may influence on your results, a bad luck for example: just think about a player who has a bad accident, only if he keep on training, he may get the goal. Another reason is the experience’s increasing: sometimes repeating something may give you the opportunity to avoid mistakes: for example a student may fail an exam because he wasn’t enough prepared or a worker can fail an assignment because he wasn’t enough prepared. Moreover, it might be possible that, in order to succeed, a person would need only a few more time and because of a lack of it, he couldn’t prepare well enough to succeed at first. Even more, trying again, enhance the chances to get the goal and that’s why it’s really important to retry.
In addition to this, repeating something in order to get the goal would help yourself to feel more confident, to improve your self-estimate, to learn that you can get what you’ve planned, to learn that you can count on yourself, improving your “self reliability”.
Thus, I’m convinced that trying again it’s the key to succeed, I have failed many times but every time I tried again and often I’ve not only get the goal fixed but also better results and higher goals too.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university advisor

Hi, your essay was not too bad. I think your first body paragraph started out well, but it seemed to drag on a little too long -see my comments below. Your grammar also started off well, but towards the end you had a lot more mistakes and awkward sounding phrases. What do you mean by goals fixed? Do you mean fixed goals? That still doesn’t make much sense in your context. I think your second body paragraph was pretty weak. Overall, i would rate this essay a 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you a lot again Mr. Luschen, I need and appreciate your corrections and suggestion.