Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

[Rosie]

Hello Please give feedback and band based on your personal views for my essay
By the way, hope you had a wonderful weekend

It is a widely held perception in most countries that economic growth gives people nowadays a higher living standard than in the past, while many people think that the drawback is losing social values. In my opinion, there are disadvantages, sure, but they are minor in comparison with the advantages.

On the plus side, the primary benefit of economic progress is the improvement of public services. The first tangible example is the investment of government in health services so that people can live a longer life, and not be threatened by diseases. Secondly, the increase in tax revenues is mean more spending on educational system which plays a pivotal role in the long-term growth and productivity of a nation, and only if a country grows sustainably is its citizens have a high level of employment and better salaries. Examples like this clearly show the benefits that can derive from improving the standard of living through economic development.

However, for every plus, there is a minus. Some people believe that economic growth causes the loss of social values which are the most crucial aspects of the social system, and also play a predominant role in running and maintaining the social order. Take the inequality between the poorer and the richer, for instance, only children and young adolescents from wealthier families would have access to the best learning opportunities, and they would, therefore, be better prepared for the job market. This kind of inequality would ensure the success of some but harm the prospects of others. Another common criticism of the phenomenon is the rise in pollution which is partly because of the heavy industry growth. In other words, the more concerns for economic advancement, the more ignorance of the environmental costs. Hence, the economic progress can be seen as one of the major contributions to the social values loss.

All in all, the development of the economy, of course, has both pros and cons such as living standard improvement or the loss of social values. But I believe that the disadvantages are far outweighed by the advantages.

[Luschen]

Hi, Rosie, your mechanics in this one were quite good. Only a few minor grammar mistakes and some good vocabulary words which were generally used correctly. Still, I am not sure it is quite up to the 7 level, but very close. See my suggestions below:

@Rosie

It is a widely held perception in most countries that economic growth gives people nowadays a higher living standard than in the past, while many people think that the drawback is losing social values.{what exactly are “social values”? - I think the point of paraphrasing the prompt is to ensure that you understand what it means or at least how you interpret it. So I would try to put this in your own words. Here, social values means the morals and principles that people in a society think are critically important, like justice, equality, freedom, caring for the environment and so on. Also I think splitting this into two separate sentences might make it more clear} In my opinion, there are disadvantages, sure, but they are minor in comparison with the advantages. {try to make sure the thesis statement can stand on its own - so disadvantages to what?}

On the plus side, the primary benefit of economic progress is the improvement of public services. The first tangible example is the investment of government in health services so that people can live a longer life, and not be threatened by diseases. [Modern hospitals, funded by tax dollars generated through new business and increased economic activity, provide vital medical care to every citizen.] {I think you need an additional explanatory sentence like this for each example or reason} Secondly, the increase in tax revenues [means] more spending on [the] educational system[,] which plays a pivotal role in the long-term growth and productivity of a nation[. Truly,] only if a country grows [consistently and] sustainably {“sustainably” does not really mean continuous growth I think} [do] its citizens have a high level of employment and better salaries. Examples like this clearly show the benefits that can derive from improving the standard of living through economic development.

However, for every plus, there is a minus. Some people believe that economic growth causes the loss of social values which are the most crucial aspects of the social system, and also play a predominant role in running and maintaining the social order. Take the inequality between the poorer and the richer[;] for instance, only children and young adolescents from wealthier families would have access to the best learning opportunities, and they would, therefore, be better prepared for the job market. {make sure to tie this to the prompt - why does economic development lead to rich children going to better schools?} This kind of inequality would ensure the success of some but harm the prospects of others. Another common criticism of the phenomenon is the rise in pollution which is partly because of the heavy [industrial] growth. In other words, the more concerns for economic advancement, the more ignorance of the environmental costs. Hence, the economic progress can be seen as one of the major contributions to the [loss of] social values loss.

All in all, the development of the economy, of course, has both pros and cons such as living standard improvement or the loss of social values. But I believe that the disadvantages are far outweighed by the advantages. {I think you have to have a little more explanation of why the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Maybe you could discuss a few ways the disadvantages could be mitigated. Maybe though progressive tax reform to help the poor, or environmental regulations to protect the environment, therefore keeping the benefits while eliminating or reducing the drawbacks}

[Rosie]

Thanks for your hard working. Your help means a lot to me