Maybe the most important problem is writing a good essay. Please grade my essay.

[Cathyxu]

Topic–Do you agree with the following question?The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

One fourth of children in the planet are facing famine. One third of species are in face of extinction. Nearly three fourth of graduates are confronted with employment crisis. What can we do to change the world? Can we solve this problems even devoting all our life? The answer is no.

According to WHO, one fourth of children in the planet are facing famine. There is a heartbreaking story about famine in Africa. The journalist,Kevin Carter, found a girl kneeling on the ground because of famine. Behind the girl was a vulture, ready to eat the angular girl at any moment. He described African as a place where dead bodies were everywhere, but what he could do was to take a photograph. Nowadays famine is still the main problem afflicting African. There is not a panacea to famine. In years of unrest, the government cannot develop economy. Though the wealthy are donating to save children, the relief is an expediency. To completely change the situation is a distant dream in this generation.

Human activities constantly disrupt the ecosystem. Cutting down forests makes millions of magpies homeless, excess carbon sulfur hastens the wither of sunflowers, building dams blocks the propagation path of Acipenser Sinensis Fish. However selective adapted to the environment, species are in face of a common destiny: extinction. To solve the worldwide pollution, international cooperation is needed. But the conference in Copenhagen taught us it is a unattainable goal to unite as one to resolve this issue.

Nearly three fourth of graduates are confronted with employment crisis. According to a survey, in China, the employment rate of graduates is 25.8%. Upward mobility is more difficult, for a strong social connection is a meal ticket to decent jobs. My friend, Shirley, has been hunting for job since May. She is a competent candidate, and we all believe she will earn a job. Having sending several CV to different banks, she was given a chance to interview. Ranking second in the interview,she was a promising candidate, for the bank would hire five people. When the results came out, she was eliminated. After looking into the background of the hired, she found those who are acquainted with the manager successfully secure their relatives the job. “Maybe someday I will depend on my relative to look for jobs,”she ironically remarked,”or I will not survive in this society.” We individuals cannot solve this phaenomenon, and the deeply rooted value is hard to eradicate. Only will our country be more democratic and more equal will the problem be rooted up.

Inarguable,hungry, pollution, employment are the most important problems in today’s world. I do not believe these problems will be solved in our lifetime. In face of the hungry turmoil, the extinction of inhabitants and inequal opportunity for job, we cannot rely on a hero to change the world. However, never should we give up hope. These problems may be unsolvable in this generation, but the solutions may be in the hands of next generations.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why must the young woman leave?

[Luschen]

Hi Cathy, despite your funny thread subject, I think this is indeed a good essay. Your format was maybe a bit unorthodox, but I really liked it and feel it was very effective for this topic. You have addressed the prompt well and given a very convincing argument. You did have a few minor errors and some problems with articles, but generally your writing sounded very natural. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

@Cathyxu

Topic–Do you agree with the following question?The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

One fourth of [the] {or “one fourth of all …”} children [ o]n the planet are facing famine. One third of [the plant and animal] {this just seemed to sound better and be more clear} species are in fac[ing] of extinction. Nearly three fourth of graduates are confronted with [an] {or “the”} employment crisis. What can we do to change the world? Can we solve this problems even [by] devoting all our life [ to them]? The answer is no.

According to WHO, one fourth of [the] children [o]n the planet are facing famine. There is a heartbreaking story about famine in Africa. The journalist,Kevin Carter, found a girl kneeling on the ground because of famine{“starvation” is less repetitive and more accurate}. Behind the girl was a vulture, ready to eat the angular girl at any moment. He described African as a place where dead bodies were everywhere, but what he could do was to take a photograph. Nowadays famine is still the main problem afflicting African[s ]. There is not a panacea to famine. In years of unrest, the government cannot develop [their] economy. Though the wealthy are donating to save children, the relief is an expediency. To completely change the situation is a distant dream in this generation.

Human activities constantly disrupt the ecosystem. Cutting down forests makes millions of magpies homeless, excess carbon [and] sulfur hastens the wither[ing] of sunflowers, building dams blocks the propagation path of Acipenser Sinensis Fish. However selectiv[ly] adapted to the environment, species are in fac[ing] of a common destiny: extinction. To solve the worldwide pollution, international cooperation is needed. But the conference in Copenhagen taught us it is a unattainable goal to unite as one to resolve this issue.

Nearly three[-]fourth[s ] of graduates are confronted with employment crisis. According to a survey, in China,{only use one of these commas} the employment rate of graduates is 25.8%. Upward mobility is more difficult, for a strong social connection is a [the only] meal ticket to decent jobs. My friend, Shirley, has been hunting for [a] job since May. She is a competent candidate, and we all believe she will earn a job.{“earn a job” sounds a bit odd unless you are perhaps working as an unpaid intern} Having sen[t ] several CV to different banks, she was given a chance to interview. Ranking second in the interview,she was a promising candidate, for the bank would hire five people. When the results came out, she was eliminated. After looking into the background of th[ose] {ok, but this sounds better to me} hired, she found those who [we]re acquainted with the manager successfully secure[d the job for] their relatives the job. “Maybe someday I will depend on my relative to look for jobs,”she ironically remarked,”or I will not survive in this society.” We individuals cannot solve this phaenomenon, {phenomenon - at least in the US} and the deeply rooted value is hard to eradicate. Only will [when] our country be[comes] [is] more democratic and more equal will the problem be rooted up.

Inarguabl[y],hung[er], pollution, [and] employment are the most important problems in today’s world. I do not believe these problems will be solved in our lifetime. In face of the hungry turmoil,{“hungry turmoil” sounds odd and a bit unclear} the extinction of inhabitants {inhabitants usually refers to people unless modified somehow} and inequal opportunity for job[s ], we cannot rely on a hero to change the world. However, never should we give up hope. These problems may be unsolvable in this generation, but the solutions may be in the hands of next generations.{there is only one next generation - maybe “future generations”}

TOEFL listening discussions: Why must the young woman leave?

[Cathyxu]

Thanks for your careful revise!