Schools are the place where students can gain knowledge in books and explore joys on the playground. Students spend half of time sitting on the chair and listen to what teacher implant in. Once the teacher assign homework to them after school, they are devoid of time to find the amusement. Hence, students should spare their remaining time to enjoy the hours instead of writing and studying.
First, students need enough exercise. Sitting in the chair for a long time impose bad influence to development of muscles and bones. Enough exercise and sunshine may keep them wholesome and strong. Beside, doing sports can refresh their brains and alleviate the strain. In Taiwan, an Asian country, there is an increasing number of students bearing heavy burden and press from their schools and the rate of suicide are too high to ignore. Students can distract from the pressure by exercising and enhance their endurance. Undoubtedly, regular exercises keep them mentally and physically healthy.
In addition, student should find and foster their habits. Studying is not the only thing that is crucial in the process of schooling. Having a good habit or various interests can help students to gain social abilities, like communication skills or leading skills. I joined the music band of my elementary school. I like the feeling that people achieve and accomplish same goal together. Therefore, we needed to spent extra time to practice the performing technique and teach new bloods how to have a hang on the new instruments, like flutes or drums. In the whole process, I gained the skills to manage my schedule and explain clearly. These skills are crucial in the future and help me to have outstanding performance in the job.
In summary, student should spend time on exercise and gain mental and physical tolerance. In the long run, they will have more energy and vigor to persist in studying and reading. They also need to explore their habit and interest, which not only offer them joys and fun, but also equip them with the pivotal social skills.
Overall, the essay presents a clear argument that students should allocate their remaining time outside of school to activities that promote physical health and social skills development, rather than solely focusing on studying and homework. However, there are several grammatical and structural errors throughout the essay that could be improved.
Firstly, the introduction is somewhat awkwardly phrased, and the transition between discussing learning in the classroom and playing on the playground could be smoother. Additionally, the sentence “Once the teacher assign homework to them after school, they are devoid of time to find the amusement” is unclear and could benefit from revision.
The body paragraphs contain several good points, such as the importance of exercise for physical and mental health, and the benefits of cultivating interests and hobbies. However, there are also some issues with grammar and coherence. For example, the phrase “the rate of suicide are too high to ignore” should be corrected to “the rate of suicide is too high to ignore”. Additionally, the paragraph on hobbies and interests could be more clearly linked to the essay’s overall argument.
Finally, the conclusion does a good job of summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis, but it could be expanded to provide more depth and context.
In conclusion, the essay presents a persuasive argument that students should prioritize activities that promote physical health and social skills development, but could benefit from improvements in grammar and structure to enhance coherence and clarity.
Torsten, I adviced my opening. Is it clearer? Thank you
Pursuing the good academic performance is not the only standard in the process of the growth. There are still abundant aspects needing us to focus on and make a balance. In other words, Students have spent half of time sitting on the chair and listened to what teachers convey at the school. Therefore, they should seize the remainder of time to participate in extracurricular and non-academic activities, like doing sports and cultivate habits.
Striving for good academic performance is not the only benchmark in the process of growth. There are still plenty of aspects to focus on and balance. In other words, students have spent half the time sitting in the chair listening to what teachers are teaching in school. Therefore, they should use the remaining time to participate in extracurricular and non-academic activities, such as playing sports and cultivating habits.
