Making a lot of money? Why not?

Hi Kitos, I hope you can comment on both my speaking skill and writing skill. And by the way, could you tell me how I can improve to get your 10/10 score on writing.^^ Thanks!

When we talk about money, there are a lot of different ideas. Many people have low opinion of making a large amount of money because it can develop human greed with money. However, in my opinion, the desire to make a lot of money is an innate human characteristic. Like many people, I agree that making large amounts of money is necessary because money helps with our hobbies, provides proof of our capacity, and brings us more power.

First of all, making a lot of money fulfills one’s hobbies. For some people, they have costly hobbies such as wearing fashionable clothes or collecting old artifacts. Therefore, only with large amounts of money could they be satisfied. As for me, I dream of opening a large library for poor people, so I definitely want to earn a lot of money. Hence, money can help people like me realize their dream.

Another reason for the importance of making large amounts of money is that money is a proof of our capacity. In any case, highly-qualified people receive higher salary than ordinary people do: A Chief Executive Officer earns more than an employee does, and a successful investor has more money than a common investor. Furthermore, a person is satisfied with his or her large amounts of money because many people praise for this triumph and show their respect for him or her. For example, most of celebrities, such as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, are learned from and lauded for earning a lot of money.

The third reasons why I support making large amounts of money is that it brings people with power. It can be the power to effectively change the world. In fact, it’s hard to find world’s wealthy people who don’t donate part of there asset to charities. They may use their money to build the disabled home, open new schools for poor children, and so on. With their money, they can also have a louder voice in a meeting, especially in a corporation. Therefore, they have the most right to make a decision.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that making a lot of money is very important for our lives. Although it may result in unexpected outcomes, people can still deal with it with their self- control.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the man taking this course?

Hi Kitos, I hope you can comment on both my speaking skill and writing skill. And by the way, could you tell me how I can improve to get your 10/10 score on writing.^^ Thanks!

When we talk about money, there are a lot of different ideas. Many people have A low opinion of making a GREAT amount of money because it can develop human greed with money. However, in my opinion, the desire to make a lot of money is an innate human characteristic. Like many people, I agree that making large amounts of money is necessary because money helps with our hobbies, provides proof of our capacity CAPABILITIES, and brings us more power.

First of all, making a lot of money fulfills one’s hobbies. For s Some people, they have costly hobbies such as wearing fashionable clothes or collecting old artEfacts. Therefore, only with large amounts of money could they be satisfied. As for me, I dream of opening a large library for poor people, so I definitely want to earn a lot of money. Hence, money can help people like me realize their dream.

Another reason for the importance of making large amounts of money is that money is a proof of our capacity CAPABILITIES]. In any case, h Highly-qualified people receive higher salarIES than ordinary people do: A Chief Executive Officer earns more than an employee does, and a successful investor has more money than aN UNSUCCESSFUL investor. Furthermore, a person is satisfied with his or her large amounts of money because many people praise THEM for this triumph and show their respect for him or her. For example, most of celebrities, such as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, are learned from and lauded for earning a lot of money.

The third reasons why I support making large amounts of money is that it brings people with power. It can be the power to effectively change the world. In fact, it’s hard to find world’s wealthy people who don’t donate part of there asset to charities. They may use their money to build the disabled homeS, open new schools for poor children, and so on. With their money, they can also have a /louder voice/GREATER INFLUENCE/ in a meeting, especially in a corporation. Therefore, they have the most right to make a decision.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that making a lot of money is very important for our lives. Although it may result in unexpected outcomes, people can still deal with it with their self- control.
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Hi Hienoncemore. You need to make your work less repetitive. If you must repeat the opening topic, then make sure you don’t repeat it in every sentence/paragraph.
High scores come with high quality writing. Try to fulfil the requirements of a good essay writer.
Good sentence structure, spelling, correct use of tenses and punctuation.

Kitos. 7.5/10