Living life at a slower pace


#1

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people are always in a hurry to go places and get things done. Other people prefer to take their time and live life at a slower pace. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the world today, faced with the question of which lifestyle is preferable, I believe that taking time and living life at a slower pace is more fruitful. I have numerous reasons from my point of view, but amongst all of them, the three most important ones are to have less stress, to accomplish the tasks perfectly and to spend enough time for other activities. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons that I have enumerated.

First and foremost, I prefer to live life at a slower pace to reduce the stress of life. Nowadays, as a result of economic turmoil and the chaos which covers the world, including a lot of civilian wars, life is rife with stress. If we wanted to be in a hurry in such world, we would experience more stresses and it might lead to a lot of problems. For instance, these stresses and tensions might lead to mental and physical ailments and diseases such as depression and heart attack. Consequently, I prefer to take my time and do my tasks and responsibilities in a tranquil atmosphere.

Secondly, I want to take enough time to get the things done in order to do my best. People who are in a hurry all the time are not able to accomplish their tasks because they think about their next purposes while they are doing their responsibilities. Therefore, they are not able to concentrate on their goals comprehensively. I prefer to take advantage of my time to go places and to get things done to fulfill my aims. In this way, I will be able to be a prosperous person in future and nobody judge me as a careless person.

Last but not least, through dividing my time wisely and do things in a calm manner, I will have more enjoyable time. In this way, I can devote enough time to my family members and friends and I can spend quality time with them. In addition, there is enough time for some crucial activities such as doing some exercise and reading some books, which I think are vital for everyone.

To sum up briefly, taking into the account all the reasons that I have mentioned, I think live life at a slower and wiser pace outweigh being in a hurry all the time. Through this kind of lifestyle, we will experience less stress and we will be able to do our best. Furthermore, we can have adequate time for our other activities and pastimes.

TOEFL listening lectures: How would the professor most probably categorize Shinto?


#2

Hi Phuong, your writing was very clear in this one. You have included some good reasons,
but I think adding a detailed example for each reason would be a very good addition.
As it is, the body paragraphs seems a little sparse and undeveloped.
Your grammar is very good, as are your word choices. Here are some specific suggestions: