[leaders] young or old people

Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
Leader and director in organizations are often older people. Some people say that young people could be leaders. Do you agree or disagree?
My essay: Some people believe that the top management position should be undertaken by young people rather than older colleagues. While I accept that some qualities of senior employees are ideal for the role of leadership, I am adamant that this position should be given to young individuals.
On the one hand, there are two underlying explanations why senior workers can assume responsibility for running a company. To begin with, through the years of working, old managers can accumulate considerable specialized knowledge and hands-on practical experience, which might allow them to immediately make the wisest decisions when coping with the most challenging tasks or situations. As a result, these administrators can address the problem arising from the business crises and make the companies be in stable condition as soon as possible. In addition, older people can gain respect more easily than others, especially in Asian companies. In turn, with considerable respect from young workers, these managers can find it easier to make young ones to follow their orders and run the operation of the company effectively.
On the other hand, I side with the view that employing young individuals as managers would be a better choice for companies. Firstly, unlike the majority of old workers who are reluctant to unforeseen situations or new opportunities, younger employees have an extraordinary willingness to challenge themselves with new circumstances. For example, if employees in the marketing department can find a new and potential market for the main product in a company, young directors can be bold enough to take a risk and launch a new plan. Secondly, the young executive’s creative ideas and innovative perspectives, which were often found lacking in senior staff, could significantly contribute to the well-being organizations, in some cases being of vital importance. For instance, Steve Job took Apple from the brink of bankruptcy to the world’s most admired tech company by his brilliant designs when he was still young.
In conclusion, I acknowledge that old individuals could become good leaders, I believe that companies can be administrated more effectively by young managers.

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Hi Thu Bui, I think your writing is excellent in this essay. Still, I am not sure your format is the best. If you are arguing that young people make the best leaders, why do you use a whole paragraph to explain why older people make good leaders? I think your essay would be more effective and support your thesis statement better if you gave the disadvantages of having older people as leaders instead of the advantages. Or you can explain why these seeming advantages are not really true or not relevant. For instance, by saying that the experience older workers have is in the old-fashioned ways of doing business, which are not applicable to our fast-changing times. Furthermore, though in some Asian countries, older leaders are revered, in the West, employees are more likely to be inspired by young, energetic leaders. I think changing your format like this would make your argument more effective and “present a clear response throughout the essay”. Your sentences and examples are very good though, and this would be fine for a “discuss both sides and give your opinion” type of prompt. Notice that “old” has a very negative connotation in the West, so calling someone an old worker or old employee would be a little rude, unless you meant “previous employee”. “Older” is not as harsh, so “older workers” sounds better Here are some other comments [quote=“Th_Bui, post:1, topic:146452”]
Some people believe that the top management [positions] should be undertaken {you don’t really undertake a position - you undertake a task or a job, but you hold, staff, occupy a position} by young people rather than older colleagues. While I accept that some qualities of senior employees {this is confusing because the “senior employees” or “senior staff” are those at the top, regardless of how old they are} are ideal for the role of leadership, I am adamant that [these positions] should be given to young individuals. {this seems very strong - I think you need a qualifier because it is very hard to argue that older people should never be leaders. Maybe “I am adamant that young individuals should also be considered when filling these positions.”}
On the one hand, there are two underlying explanations why senior workers {“senior workers” is ok I think, because “worker” implies someone at a low position} can assume responsibility for running a company. To begin with, through the years of working, [older] managers can accumulate considerable specialized knowledge and hands-on practical experience, which might allow them to immediately make the wisest decisions when coping with the most challenging tasks or situations. As a result, these administrators can address the [problems] arising from the business crises and [return] the companies [to a] stable condition as soon as possible. In addition, older people can gain respect more easily than [their younger counterparts], especially in Asian companies. In turn, with considerable respect from young workers, these managers can find it easier to make young ones to follow their orders and run the operation of the company effectively.
On the other hand, I side with the view that employing young individuals as managers would [often] {as I said, this seems more realistic] be a better choice for companies. Firstly, unlike the majority of old workers {maybe “workers nearing retirement age” is a good synonym here} who are reluctant to [face] unforeseen situations or new opportunities, younger employees have an extraordinary willingness to challenge themselves with new circumstances. For example, if employees in the marketing department can find a new and potential [new] market for the main product [of] a company, {“for a company’s primary product” sounds more natural here} young directors can be bold enough to take a risk and launch a new plan. Secondly, the young executive’s creative ideas and innovative perspectives, which were often found lacking in senior staff, could significantly contribute to the well-being [of] organizations, in some cases being of vital importance. For instance, Steve [Jobs] took Apple from the brink of bankruptcy to the world’s most admired tech company by his brilliant designs when he was still young.
In conclusion, I acknowledge that [older] individuals could become good leaders, I believe that companies can be administrated more effectively by young managers. [When making decisions involving upper management posts, boards of directors would be wise to choose one of the younger candidates.] {Adding an additional sentence like this call to action makes the conclusion into a more complete paragraph}
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