Kindly give comments on this essay

Hello Sir,
Please evaluate my essay based on the following topic.

Does the Government should spend money for exploring outer space or on people basic need?

Science & technology are much more in its advanced state than it was in centuries ago. It has opend the doors of opportunity not only to get knowledge about the enviornment around us, but also to explore the worlds or universe that exist beyond our world. So, does the space technology. Russia’s Sputnik became the pioneer to this trend & America’s Apollo mission became the stepping stone for advancement to Lunar mission. And now many developing countries including China, India are spending their funds on such programs. This has become rather, a necessity for revealing a nation’s progress & increase the self esteem of a nation in a field of technology. But this kind of projects are very costly & expenses are large enough to serve a small state or big city. Inspite of high funds involvement, I suggest to carry out such programs for the betterment of future genrations. The reason supporting for this opinion are mere justifiable.

First of all, projects for outer space includes the detail study of existing knowledge & the feasbility of such mission. This involves lot of hardship & it makes many nations come together & share their ideas. This enhances high values of work ethics such as working in a team to achieve a common goal. Due to knowledge churning & study, more & more things are discovered & more new techniques are adopted. This leads to more advanced knowledge and newly recognised concepts. So overall, this kind of governement programs lead to progress at science & technology level. Thus ultimately an easier & better future for mankind.

Furthermore, we can discover more places other than mother earth for viablity & availability to inhabit by exploring outer space. Day by day living space on earth is becoming densed & growing lesser & lesser to live. This causes deforestation in large scale & ultimately engenders global warming & climate change in broader sense. Exploring outer space, thus increases the chances of discovering an alternative place to live & thrive life existed on earth. Take for instance, the India’s lunar mission, which leads to the discovery of water on the surface of moon. This increases the chances of serviving on the surface moon. In near future, global thinktank is pondering on the ways to set up even human colonies on moon too. Going further ahead, Scientists are planning to make arrangements for people to live in space. This can majorly solve our issues related to over-population.

Now exploring outer space can make us safe from outside celestial bodies such as comets, asteroids or even small planets. During Jurasic era, animals present on the earth were extinguished by collision of a comet. So there still lies a fear of such collision in future also. Exploration leads to understanding of the revolving path of such celestial bodies. It will help us to make sure our planet is secured from these kind of threats. Hubble telescope is the perfect example of it, which continuously monitors activities in outer space day & night thus, protecting us from such potential hazards. This really helps us feel more safe & secure. Also the future genrations will also be helped by such initiatives.

So conclusively, I would say exploring the outer space is not only the necessity for individual group of people or for nation but also it’s a need of time & obviously for the good of future human generations. So I strongly recommend such programs has to be undertaken by government bodies.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an arts class (2)

Good morning Vinchenz. Your knowledge of when and when not to use articles is a big drawback toward your writing in a legible manner. This and These also appear to cause you some confusion.

Your essay contains an impressive display of vocabulary, however your failure to use the above in the correct manner makes your essay appear childish.

Spend some time correcting these shortcomings, and then you will really blossom.

Kitos. 6/10

Thanks a lot Mr. Kitos for ur prompt response.
Can you please point out some of the instances for ur comments? It’ll really help me a lot to improve my skills.

But this kind of projects are very costly
This involves lot of hardship
In near future, global think tank is pondering
This can majorly solve
such programs has to be undertaken
extinguished by collision of a comet

Should I go on?

Thanks Mr. Kitos for ur reply. I can see where i go wrong. And am sure I’ll take care not to repeat it again.
Alright, can you please tell me, besides the things you mentioned here how well the essay is organised & also what’s your opinion on ideas presented in this essay?

Good morning Vinchenz, your essay is quite good. I think you have the ability to become a very good writer as exhibited in your display of vocabulary.You need only organise what you are really trying to say.
If you want to write long-winded texts, then you have to be absolutely certain of what you are saying, and the manner in which you are about to say it.
Shorter sentences are better to clarify your meaning.

For example, in your opening sentence you are asking two questions in one :
“Does the Government should spend money for exploring outer space or on people basic need?”

  1. Does the government spend money?
  2. Should the government spend money?

Very confusing, to say the least, and designed to put most readers off from reading any further.
Be clear. Be concise. Decide what you want to say … then say it!


Noted with thanks