Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. Do you agree or disagree?
My topic: It is true that someone opt for their career based on salary level. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that others base their job choice on more important considerations rather than salary alone.
On the one hand, a good wage is the top priority for someone to find a job owing to two underlying benefits. Firstly, it is common knowledge that being offered a high salary allows employees to achieve a full quality of life. In other words, these people can earn enough money for housing, foods even luxurious holidays. Secondly, these workers when being received a decent salary and rewarding perks, are highly motivated to work harder and enhance the level of performance. For example, the head of a company may offer a pay rise to a new employee who is able to achieve a sales target during the year.
On the other hand, job seekers have different reasons apart from salary to choose a job. The first reason is promotion prospects. For example, some people opt for working in a big company in which the chance of moving up the ladder is high. In turn, with professional advancement, these employees could earn the feelings of being highly esteemed. Secondly, many job seekers pay much heed to working environment when considering a job. Obviously, if youngsters can get a chance to work in a company with supportive work colleagues and a responsible manager, they can not only nurture soft skills such as teamwork and communication skill but also put their abilities to maximum.
In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people’s choice of profession, I believe that many people consider other factors to decide on prospective jobs.
Hi Thư Bùi, your writing in this essay is very good, but I am afraid you did not address the prompt correctly, which would severely impact your band score. This is not a “discuss both sides and give your opinion” prompt, it is a “Do you agree or disagree” prompt. This means that your opinion needs to be front and center, not just an afterthought. You should state in your thesis which side of the argument you are supporting. Then in the rest of the essays, concentrate on the arguments, reasons, and examples that support your viewpoint. As I stated, your English was generally good, but you did have a few odd sounding phrases. I also liked your specific examples, which did a great job of supporting your points. Here are some additional suggestions: