Is someone so kind as to correct my first essay?

Write about the following topic :

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change . Others , however , think that change is always a good thing .
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience .
Write at least 250 words .

What is wrong in spending a whole life doing the same things every single day? And what is wrong in not doing it? Sure, many people may have thought about that recently or, maybe, they may have simply complained about their behavior or, most of all, about circumstances. And all of this because they always do the same job, they always spend the same time in the same place, or they always go trough the same, in a world, routine. On the other hand, some people could be annoyed about changes because they are searching for a strong and firm point in their life after years of instability. Anyway, it is worth to say that many people simply choose a life of routine avoiding any kind of change, or they do the exact opposite. In my opinion there should not be a choice between these two situations because it is not a proper choice. It is like saying that tomorrow we will find the love of our life: we may or we may not. It is fate, perhaps. In addition, I think that both things would annoy everyone after some time. Therefore people should just stop thinking about what they are doing and simply live their lives as they are: taking changes as a present and relaxing in the meanwhile, when nothing seems to happen.

It’s a little shorter: 225 words, but it’s my first essay and I just want to understand if it is good enough… Please, correct and tell me :slight_smile:

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a dorm mother and a resident

Hi, your writing is good, but it is not really a proper TOEFL essay. This would make a fine blog post, but TOEFL is looking for an essay that fits a clearly defined structure. For this type of essay they are looking for an introduction that introduces the topic and ends with a thesis statement. Then a paragraph explaining the benefits of avoiding change, then a paragraph covering the benefits of embracing change. The fourth paragraph would give your opinion (sort of like you did in your essay) and conclude, or you can add a short conclusion as its own paragraph. This webpage gives a good summary of what I am talking about:

urch.com/forums/twe/12765-to … -tips.html

Be careful, because even if your writing is excellent, you will get a bad score if you do not correctly address the essay prompt.

Thank you! Actually I guessed it wasn’t a proper essay and that I didn’t get the point. Thanks for having cleared my mind about what I should write in it. I haven’t written one for such a long time that I even forgot what it was. Thank you again!