interpersonal relations more important than hardwork in school? --thx

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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TPO21. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Recent years have seen evidence that in terms of success in a job, interpersonal skills is laid more and more emphasis on, even more than the hard work in school. Personally, I cannot agree more with the point that the ability to relate well to people is more essential than studying hard in school.

The primary reason for my standpoint is that related with people from diverse expertise, people can complement each other and collaborate as a team for a great success. In this world where knowledge is surpassingly accumulating and labor diversion becomes a must, it is not exaggerating to say that an individual can hardly acquire the knowledge enough to independently ensure a success, however hard he studies in his school years. As a case in point, over 70 percent of the Nobel Prizes, in the last 10 years, were awarded to teamwork. Adam Reiss, one of the 2011 Nobel Physics Prize winners, even clearly stated ’ I think it would be great if the Nobel prize could go to entire teams of people, because it’s really a lot of teamwork that allows these projects to succeed.’ Indeed, it is the ability to cooperate with others that leads to a success.

Moreover, the precedents can teach one the experience unable to gain in the school. A substantial portion of knowledge is not printed on the textbooks, but can only be acquired through practice. Last summer, I apprenticed in a financial company and was assigned to deal with a large amount of data. Candy, an experienced colleague, taught me the most efficient way to address the problem by kindly sending me several previous Excel templates. Was it not for her help, I would have worked in so circuitous a way like trying various models one by one that it would even become a mission impossible to complete my work. Relating well to the more experienced can impart novices with efficient methods summed in previous practice.

Finally, making friends in broader areas can introduce people with more opportunities. As shown in one survey conducted in 2010 in Shanghai, China, an astonishing portion of managers, namely 67 percent, experienced being informed by their friends or counterparts of golden chances such as new investment targets. The result makes it abundant clear that a wider network literally extends people’s field of vision so that people can hunt for more opportunities, which is conducive to success.

Admittedly, hard work in the school is not negligible in that it sets the starting point of one’s career. Nevertheless, good human resources benefit people in the long run as the determinant of the acceleration of a career. In a word, for success in a future job, being capable of relating well with others is more important than working hard in school since the former supplies the individuals with more knowledge, experience and opportunities.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (4)

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Hi, I enjoyed your essay. It started out a little rough with that mistake in your introduction and several odd phrases and poor word choices in your first body paragraph. You had a good overall structure though and many relevant examples. There were just a few too many unclear sentences to give this a top score though. Overall, I would rate it a 3.5 out of 5.

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I just feel boring to start the essay with ‘When it comes to…some people…others… Personally…’, though it seems to be the most universal one, and want to try new patterns. How about the following introduction paragraph ?

Now people in growing numbers are coming to recognize the significance of interpersonal skills in terms of success in a job. Me no exception. In fact, I hold the point that for success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is even more essential than studying hard in school.

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I agree that format is very boring and trite. I also do not like the one that goes, “There is currently a heated debate about whether it is more important to relate well to people or to work hard in school.” - it sounds very cliched and there really isn’t such a debate going on. I really like the things this webpage has to say about introductions: bookrags.com/articles/4.html

I must admit though that having a “set pattern” is much less time consuming and requires less on-the-spot thinking and creativity, so it might be a good idea for TOEFL essays. The introduction, apart from the thesis sentence, is less important for your score than having good body paragraphs. Still, I always enjoy and am impressed with a creative, original introduction and I am sure the official graders feel the same way. Your revised introduction is not too bad - I would modify it:

Today people in growing numbers are coming to recognize the significance of interpersonal skills in terms of success in a job. I am no exception. In fact, I hold the point that for success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is even more essential than studying hard in school.

Here is one that might be more creative:

When I was in high school, I often daydreamed in class about how my classmates’ lives would turn out. Who would become the movie star and who would end up as a doctor or lawyer? Would Frank someday own his own multimillion-dollar company or end up unemployed or even in jail? Now that I am older, I realize that the kids who always had their face in a book, who were always studying, may indeed now be gainfully employed, but they are not necessarily the ones who achieved the greatest success. My former schoolmates who were able to get along with just about everybody, who were able to put together study groups to help them complete their work, and who simply enjoyed being around other people generally are the ones who prospered after graduation. Keeping this in mind, I truly believe that one’s interpersonal skills are more important for career success than studying hard in school.