Independent essay:Young people should take several different kinds of jobs before

From last essay, I realize that I should avoid complicated long sentences . Thank u, luschen.
Young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long term?

Undoubtedly, career is important for everybody. As for the topic, personally, I definitely agree with the statement that we young people should try various jobs before we finally settle on one career, as I think taking different jobs may give us more opportunities to enrich our lives and more possibility to find a suitable job. Moreover, these experiences may also contribute to our promotion after we have the job in the long term.
First of all, taking various kinds of jobs enables young people to discover themselves and helps us find the job that we can do for a long time. This job should be the one that we are truly good at doing. By doing this job, we can out-compete other workers so that we will gain more sense of achievements and earn more money than doing other jobs. For example, even though I majored in computer science in university, after being a coder and opening a café shop, I eventually found I had great talent in taking photos. Every time I took some photos of people or scenery, my photos were always being praised by others and therefore I decided to be a photographer for the rest of my life. Thanks to my experience of taking different jobs, I successfully found I was good at taking photos so I could take photography as my long-term career.
Secondly, since we are young, to make our lives become infinitely colorful during our finite lives, we should try to experience different work that interests us as much as possible. Imagine when we were old, we might regret not having tried to realize so many childhood dreams, such as being a painter, opening a restaurant and so on. Since we are young why do we only stick on only one job and do the repetitive work day after day? If we only stick on one job, it is impossible for us to draw the pictures we want or hear others’ applause for our songs. As I have stated in the first paragraph, I opened a café shop and tried to be coder before I became a photographer because I found they interested me so much. Though I do not choose them as my final job, without them my life will not be so rich and colorful.
Last but not the least, having done a wide range of jobs will accelerate our promotion after we take our final jobs because the different types of jobs we took have improved our different abilities. For example, my brother is an excellent young professor who specializes in marketing. However, before he became a professor, he was a manager in Sony. And before he went into Sony, he was the boss of a small restaurant. Owning a restaurant enabled him to have a good understanding of the practical application of marketing strategies and being a manager helped him acquire great communication skills. Thanks to the skills that he gained from his last two jobs in different areas, after he became a lecturer in his university, he soon got promoted and became the youngest professor in his university.
All in all, before we finally decide which career should be the one we take in a long run, taking different types of jobs will enrich our lives, help us find the suitable long-term career and even contribute to our promotion after we take the long-time career. Therefore, it is my considered opinion that we young people should take several kinds of jobs before we take a career in a long term.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (4)

Thanks for making the thread titles more relevant. :slight_smile:

Hi Vivian, another excellent essay. So many great examples in this one, it was very convincing. You did have a few errors here and there and there were a few suggestions I was able to make. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

you always say this sentence is unclear, do u mean I should use can,must,will…instead of may?

Take a look at this, especially the last part about chat/SMS style writing.
english-test.net/community/i … ing_skills
I suggest that if you want to improve your English, you should use correct English whenever you write.

No, the “may” is fine - it is the “after we have the job in the long term” that could be more clear. Maybe try something like:

Moreover, these experiences may also help us get promoted more quickly and more often when we eventually settle into our long-term careers.