her is another essay i wrote. What do you think?
Many thanks in advance.
In your opinion should government intervene in the rights of the individual with regard to family planning?
Governments of today are confrontated with my many challenging tasks. Not only economical problems but also humanitary problems. In order to improve the overall living quality some governments intervene the family planning of individuals. In my opinions this should be the last step only if everything else failed.
One child policies like a couple of countries had in the past or still have is a short term solution only. A solution that solves one problem but might be the cause of others in the near future. A one child policy will reduce a otherwise too fast grown population. The primary goal of a one child policy but it will cause the overall age of the population increase in the future. This can be a major drawback for the economy if there aren’t enough young employee to maintain a healthy economy.
It is also a rather unhuman approach to instruct individuals on how to do their family planning. Family planning should always be a private matter. Something that grown ups should decide by their own. Instead of dictating it would be a lot better if governments would do proper education. Building a consciousness on how important it is to take responsibility not only for their own family but also for their country.
Not matter how difficult and how big the problems in a country are the government should now intervene directly with each individuals family planning. Instead the government should educate that everyone acts with responsibility when it comes to family planning.
Hi, I think your essay is pretty good. It has a good structure and addresses the prompt adequately. You do have some punctuation errors and some poor word choices though. You have a couple of unclear phrases too. Overall, I would rate this a band 6.