In 1971, Oishi participated in the 3rd All-Japan Open Tournament at the age of 21. He finished in third place

In 1971 Oishi competed at the 3rd All-Japan Open Tournament, aged 21. He finished in third place.

Would it be better if the first sentence were rephrased as “In 1971 Oishi, aged 21, competed at the 3rd All-Japan Open Tournament.”?

Thanks.

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In 1971, Oishi participated in the 3rd All-Japan Open Tournament at the age of 21. He finished in third place.