If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you...

Topic 6: If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specifics examples to support your answer.

Outline 6: Introduction: There are many things that I want to change my hometown to make it better. The most thing needs to be changed is traffic. Everyone in my hometown wants to change that problem for several reasons.

Main idea 1: Why I want to change our hometown traffic?
• Supporting idea 1: there are so many traffic jams that cause air pollution and wastes a lot of time for many people.

E.g.: My hometown is Hanoi which is capital of Vietnam. Almost of the streets are narrow so in rush hours there often have traffic jams which make a lot noise and dirty smoke comes from cars and motorbikes. It makes me crazy. Sometimes I am late for my school just because I have to stand in the middle of the street and can’t move anywhere.

• Supporting idea 2: Another problem is we have a lot of roads. So some way it shows our face. But for a long times there has never been a day without traffic jams. Tourists often feel scared about that.
E.g.: Again I take an example from Hanoi. Almost every street has rush hour. At about 5pm to 6pm, even after that, the Hanoi’s air is covered by smoke, noise from car engine…and the traffic light lasts just like forever. Everyday I go to night class; I always have to go early for hour. People standing in the streets just like ants bring food to their nest.

• Supporting idea 3: It often causes accidents.
E.g.: Our major transports are motorbikes. Even living in a capital but we often witness the weakness of the controlment of traffic. Everyday our small streets have to contain thousand of Lorries, heavy-duty trucks which bring a lot of dirt and it just like smog so we can’t see the road and then fall into crashing each other. Also big trucks can hurt smaller one due to the irresponsibility of the traffic controllers. In average, there are about 10 people die per day in Hanoi.

Main idea 2: What I’m going to change about the traffic?
• Supporting idea 1: I would like to broaden all the roads.
Detail 1: if the roads are bigger it can avoid many accidents.
Detail 2: there will be fewer rush hours.
• Supporting idea 2: another thing I want to change is the traffic conditions
E.g.: If the van has a covering-blanket above its container, it can reduce the amounts of dirt.
• Supporting idea 3: I want to change people’s mind.
E.g.: The citizens in Hanoi may be just in Hanoi join in the traffic really crazy. Even holding a license in hand, they still drive just like they are alone on the road. If we can change this, it will be less accident either.

Main idea 3: How will I change that?
Supporting idea 1: The first thing i would do is propagandize to people around how to be safer on the road, when they are driving.
E.g.: I could write on the public bulletin that many people can see it like we should carry motor hat when driving, as you know Vietnam use a lot of motorbikes.
• Supporting idea 2: I will recommend the government to improve roads and traffic signs.
E.g.: I know some people in embassy of some country and I can offer them to tell this problem to our government. Or not, I and the volunteers will fix the road by ourselves, but of course we couldn’t change the signs. Just improve somehow in case I could not ask for the help of the leaders.
• Supporting idea 3: I myself will follow all the rules when driving on the road and try to use as less polluted-transport as I can.
E.g.: I often use bicycle instead of motorbike. It’s safer, cheaper and “green”.

Conclusion: Traffic is the hottest event today in my hometown. So if I could change one important thing, it would be it because after improving traffic it could make my hometown brighter and promise for every development in the future.

Topic 7: How do movies or television influence people behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Outline 7: Introduction: There are a lot means of entertainment nowadays. Movies and TV are one of those. However, do not just bring fun but also trouble. In fact, movies and television have some bad influence let on people behavior. To get know better about this problem, let’s take a closer look.

Main idea 1: Many people like watching movies and television.
• Supporting idea 1: They see it as an integral part of their daily life.
E.g.: Both adults and children watch TV. For example, child can watch cartoon all day without being bored. And the TV shows are very attractive to them.
• Supporting idea 2: As a result, people watch both good and bad programs.
E.g.: Beside some educational values of some programs, there also have bad shows. People, of course, can’t avoid watching them. Like violent movies.

Main idea 2: How the TV influence People?
• Supporting idea 1: Of course good shows can teach people many things.
E.g.: Discovery channel can show people the world outside so that people will love it then do good things for the environment or like discovering the world.
• Supporting idea 2: But there also has bad sides, people watch and follow it.
E.g.: there are so many violent programs today on TV such as fighting movies, detective, sexual movies…It makes people want to get fight with others to experience the feeling of killing someone. so a consequence of crimes begins. Bad programs change people characters from normal to evil.

Main idea 3: It is serious problem which affects to our community.
• Supporting idea 1: As I said, there will be many crimes which is the afraid of many people around.
E.g.: Let’s imagine that in our neighbor has a man whom often watches movies which contain bad actions. One day he goes out, he will find someone to fight with and show that he is a powerful person. Such a scary it is!
• Supporting idea 2: Children are also an aspect of this problem.
E.g.: A child watches superman movie and then he always want to hit his little brother or sister which makes his parent go crazy.

Main idea 4: How can we solve this?
• Supporting idea 1: Need more educational programs
• Supporting idea 2: Organize more outdoor activities which make people do not watch TV so often.
E.g.: Build more parks and places which are exciting to people.

Conclusion: TV and movies are popular media to people today, but beside its good benefits such as information, news… it also has bad values. The important is how can we reduce the bad side and make it less influence to people behavior.

TOEFL listening lectures: To which entertainment does the lecturer not relate Greek drama?

sorry about the voice message but it seems to not working out

Hello again, Jane.
You don’t seem to have posted your last notes up into an essay format for us to review yet?
Do you intend turning your notes into an essay? You will have to do so if you are preparing for one of the examinations. (If you aren’t preparing for exams, of course, you can leave your thoughts in note form as they are now.)

Does your microphone work with other programs?

exactly i didn’t use microphone and next time i will use it. please wait for another times then i will post my full essay. But now i need to create my flow of thoughts which is supposed to be short before. please correct it again. Thank you!

Your planning is fine. I like the way you provide a valid example for each point you make, and the structure you choose is good.

well thank you, I made so many mistakes, I will try to improve then.

Mistakes are the means by which we learn Jane. You did very well.

I really appreciate that you corrected my outline very detail. You are a really good teacher, indeed. As you know, toefl test has 4 skills which are reading, writing… and in writing section there are two parts: integrated and independence. The outlines above belongs to independence part. This part is limited in to 250 to 300 words. My outline is out of that limit. But due to what i said to Beeesneees that i need to create my logical flow of thoughts so… In the future i will post my full essay and hope you and B can mark it as you are marking a toefl essay.

Excuse me, I’m a newbie here. I want to take toefl test but it seems quite difficult, especially the essay. I can’t express my ideal thoroughly. Please help me check it.
People said that “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, so it’s obvious that My country, a newly developed country, will meet a lot of difficult problems such as: poor infrastructure, severe pollution, high rate illiterate… If I were able to change one thing about my hometown, I would change its poor infrastructure.
Firstly, I’ll build big new high speed roads instead of the degraded old roads. In Vietnam, there are plenty more roads especially in big city like Ha Noi & Ho Chi Minh. The problem is, however, almost all of those roads have badly depreciated with many deep hollows in them. Thus, in the evening, it’s easy for drivers to get accidents when they meet hollows while driving fast.
Secondly, restructuring all the cables and lines systems of the telecommunication networks and electricity networks is also an important job. Nowadays, in Ha Noi streets, you easily see the chaotic telecommunication lines and electricity lines above our heads. Whenever going under this, I’m nervous of them falling down.
Last but not least, I’ll upgrade the drainage system. Ha Noi’s draingage system is very weak. When the rain pours down, all the city becomes full of water and transportation has to cease. I still remember one time my school have to stop working 3 days because of an incessant rain.
All in all, if I have a chance, I’ll improve my hometown’s poor infrastructure. I’ll build more new roads, restructure the cables and lines systems and upgrade the drainage system.

oh hello Loan. Thanks for having read my post :). I took the toefl test in feb, 26th and the writing score is 21. Not really bad for me. You feel just like me, even now i’m still scared of taking the test again. But you know, it’s not that difficult. The content in the test i took was as hard as barron’s. You should practice that book. It’s quiet useful. Also do the Cambridge one. One more thing, you should create a new topic with your essay in it, so the moderators here can correct it for you, instead of posting after my essay. And i like your writing :D. Even though you shouldn’t have put YOU in the essay like “I’m nervous of them falling down”. You use “I” too much which is the thing that we avoid most while writing toefl essay. YOU need to write conclusion for each paragraph and in my opinion, each paragraph need to be longer, more analysis (doesn’t mean you will put “I” opinion in). I strongly suggest you to use the structure i posted above like 3 main ideas (you got it), supporting ideas (you miss some) and etc. But overall, your essay is quiet convincing that infrastructure in VN should be changed in a better way. You are really good with a beginer. Good luck!

Thank Jane for your scencere advising above. Could you please give me some more advices of learning english, particularly preraring for the toefl test? so far, I’ve learned Toefl at several english center. They told me to brainstorm, write an outline before writing an essay, because this will make the essay go smoothly without distracted ideas. althought I understand this completely, it’s hard for me to brainstorm. it costs me a plenty of time, and comes up with no clearly ideal. If I search the internet, look at others’ piece of writing, it’s sound easier. However, I know that when I take a real TOEFL test, there won’t have any help from anybody or anysources. Thus, could you recommend me some ways to brainstorm effectively, clearly like you?

Lol, hello again. And first i want to correct something in you reply: “Thank Jane for your scencere[color=red][sincere] advising above. Could you please give me some more advices of learning english, particularly [color=red]in preraring for the toefl test? so far, I’ve learned Toefl at several english center[color=red]s. They told me to brainstorm, write an outline before writing an essay, because this will make the essay go smoothly without distract[color=red]ing ideas. although I understand this completely, it’s hard for me to brainstorm. it costs[[color=red]takes] me a plenty of time, and comes up with no clearly ideal[[color=red]idea]. If I search the internet, look at others’ piece[color=red]s of writing, it’s sound [[color=red]it sounds] easier. However, I know that when I take a real TOEFL test, there won’t have any help from anybody or any sources[[color=red]source]. Thus, could you recommend me some ways to brainstorm effectively, clearly like you?

Well to have more ideas for your essay, you have to write a lot. Just find more topics and try to write 3 points of each topic. You can have the 1st two paragraphs to prove your opinion, and, the 3rd paragraph to counter the idea that’s given from the assigment. Use at least 2 examples, you sometimes can make it up. But if your examples relates to science or acknowledges , you have to be precise. Ask your teacher for some templates. Also, toefl has 2 essays, the integrated part is quiet difficult too. Therefore, try to practice more. :slight_smile:

It’s been a long time since i wrote this post. I just re-read it and i found that i made so many silly mistakes that now i smile and feel a little bit embarrassed about myself. Since this post got lots of views so i want to say something about it. I’m now better than i was. I speak english most likely like a native speaker. I write essays eloquently. You can see that you have to fall out before you can succeed. I succeed now and i hope you guys can do the same. Thank you for all of your supports.

Hello Jane,
It’s good to see when you’ve made progress, isn’t it? Congratulations on your achievements to date.
I see you still don’t find it important that the p[ronoun ‘I’ is always written as a capital letter, though.

Thank you so much Bee! I’m sorry for having written like that. I will try my best to improve myself more and more.