Hi my teacher, the following is my essay. please give me some improvements and estimate my band score. thank you so much.
THE TOPIC:
In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?.
MY ESSAY:
There is a fact that in most countries all over the world facing high unemployment rate usually have a low workforce quality. Some individuals believe that it is not necessary to focus on providing advanced education to those who may not be have the ability to find a job in these countries. I totally disagree with the opinion because of a great number of detrimental impacts it creates.
On the one hand, if the government in nations with serious unemployment do not pay more attention to offering secondary education to their citizens, which can make the unemployment be not alleviated even become worse. It is obviously that the workers who are educated basically and limitedly will not reach the company’s given standard. Therefore, they would not have more opportunities to find a suitable job, which means that the number of people without a job would increase dramatically. In addition, the increasing number of unemployed can cause a range of social problems. In fact, because of being in unemployment, there are a lot of people have not enough money to pay for living. Nevertheless, they can be tempted to enter illegal actions, which could lead to social instabilities and a wide variety of extremely related issues.
On the other hand, the government should make more efforts to make secondary school become more available to the vast majority of population, which can make significant contribution to reducing the unemployment. Firstly, if future workers were exposed to higher education systems, they could have throughout insights into these areas which can play a vital role in their career later on. Then, they could not only meet criteria that business organizations require but also seek out a job with high salary. Secondly, developing the quality of learning performance of citizens can create more jobs. For example, in a country with the skilled workforce can attract more foreign enterprises to invest and expand theirs activates in the nation. Since the kind of organizations usually operate on the large scale in many insects, therefore, it can create a huge number of job opportunities for the nation’s workforce.
In conclusion, I completely dispute the statement that nations in high unemployment should not offer secondary education to people who are not capable to find a job. I argue that these countries should concentrate on providing higher educational services to their workers, especially those having no hope of finding a job.