Ielts writing - Task 2

[thaodang119]

Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

People today are either excited or worried about the future impacts of artificial intelligence on our life. While many individuals have optimistic views about the rising of development on artificial intelligence, I believe that the artificial intelligence’s outcomes should be taken into consideration.**

On the one hand, the increasing on the sectors of artificial intelligence will bring immense benefits to our society and improve our standard of living in the future. Machines are obviously able to do many jobs better than humans do in various fields that require high-level accuracy and quick information procession or sophisticated calculations. For example, robotics could survive where no human can such as in deep space, beneath the ocean, inside nuclear reactors, and engineers already designed autonomous vehicles that using sensor radar, satellite navigation systems enable them to drive themselves. Such intelligent technologies help reduce the likelihood of human errors and even amplify human capabilities.

On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who trust that artificial intelligence may change to our life in negative ways. In short-term impacts, advances in artificial intelligence might pose a threat to the job security on millions of workers worldwide. Lorry drivers, taxi drivers, or public transportation drivers, for example, will be at risk of getting redundant in vast number, if products of artificial intelligence are ubiquitous. In long term fear is that people become deskills and laziness, which in turn workers could lose their expectations in life. Intelligent technologies, consequently, might take control out of humans and even dominate the world in many aspects like economy, education, or meditation.

In conclusion, while the development of artificial intelligence might benefit our life in various ways, the rising of intelligent machines should not be ignored.

[Luschen]

Hi Thaodang, I enjoyed reading your essay. I think you have addressed the prompt correctly and given both the positive and negative consequences. Your negative ones seem more specific though - try to make your positives more specific as well - exactly what will the impacts be? Your English is very clear though, with only a few errors in usage here and there.
Here are some suggestions:

@thaodang119

People today [generally seem] {this is a little more realistic - some people don’t really care! } either excited or worried about the future impacts of artificial intelligence on our life.{“on our life” is little vague - are they afraid it will be harmful to our health, or do you mean harmful to society as a whole?} While many individuals have optimistic views about the [rise] {this is one of the few verbs that can be a noun without adding “ing”} of development on artificial intelligence, I believe that the artificial intelligence’s outcomes should be taken into consideration.** {this thesis doesn’t sound very clear - what does it mean to consider its outcomes? It is very important for the thesis to be crystal clear, since it serves as the basis for your whole essay}

On the one hand, the increasing on the sectors {“increasing on the sectors” is unclear - do you mean an increasing number of sectors of the economy are utilizing artificial intelligence?} of artificial intelligence will bring immense benefits to our society and improve our standard of living in the future. Machines are obviously able to do many jobs better than humans do in various fields that require high-level accuracy and quick information [processing] or sophisticated calculations. For example, robotics {“robots” seems better than robotics here - robotics is the field that creates robots} could survive where no human can[,] such as in deep space, beneath the ocean, [and] inside nuclear reactors[. Furthermore,] engineers [have] already designed autonomous vehicles that using sensor radar, satellite navigation systems enable them to drive themselves. Such intelligent technologies help reduce the likelihood of human errors and even amplify human capabilities. {this list of applications seems a little too general. You have not really connected these to what the prompt is asking - what impact will they have on our lives? Maybe some specific examples would be more helpful here than general statements}

On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who trust [fear] {“trust” has a positive connotation and should only be used for positive predictions} that artificial intelligence may change to our [lives] {“change to” is only used when “change” is a noun - “It will bring changes to our lives”} in negative ways. In [terms of] short-term impacts, advances in artificial intelligence might pose a threat to the job security [of] millions of workers worldwide. Lorry drivers, taxi drivers, or public transportation drivers, for example, will be at risk of getting {“becoming” sounds more natural here} redundant in vast [numbers], if products of artificial intelligence {“products of artificial intelligence” sounds unclear - do you mean products made by artificial intelligence?} are ubiquitous. In [the] long term[, the] fear is {don’t you love how the English language seems to be in love with the word “the”? } that people [will] become [deskilled] {this is not exactly right - the worker does not become deskilled, the job becomes deskilled. A deskilled job means to take a job that required a lot of training, like making a basket by hand, and changing it to a job almost anyone can do, like pushing a button whenever they see a light come on} and [lazy], which in turn [could result in] workers [losing] their expectations in life. Intelligent technologies, consequently, might take control [away from] humans and even dominate the world in many aspects like economy, education, or meditation. {do you really mean meditation? Will machines meditate for us too? Maybe! }

In conclusion, while the development of artificial intelligence might benefit our life in various ways, the [rise] of intelligent machines should not be ignored. {I think your conclusion should be just a bit longer. Maybe add one more sentence giving a suggested call to action - maybe "Intelligent machines can make positive contributions to society, but they must be well-regulated to reduce their potential harmful side effects.}

[thaodang119]

I mean medical not meditation
I’m not make sense of " the meaning of deskilled", please give me example of how to use this word in a sentence.
Thesis statement: I don’t know to make this thesis statement clear in the topic. Please help me about this. Thanks a lot hihi

[Luschen]

Hi, here are some. “The coffee shop has replaced their old-fashioned espresso maker with an automatic one that any worker can use just by pressing a button. The job of barista has become deskilled.”

"My uncle’s job at the chair making factory has been deskilled. He used to make the back of the chairs by hand by shaping the wood with a file, but now a machine does this and he just loads the wood into the machine and removes the finished part. "

“It used to take a lot of knowledge and skill to drive a truck, but soon autonomous trucks will deskill the job of truck driver and former drivers will become mainly passengers or eventually disappear completely.”

Here’s a suggested modification of your thesis:

“While many individuals have optimistic views about the rise and spread of artificial intelligence, others worry about the possible negative ramifications the development of this technology may have. I tend to side with these more cautious pundits, as intelligent robots and automation have negative impacts that must be carefully considered.”

Here instead of the vague “outcomes”, I used “negative impacts”, which shows that I am against the unregulated spread of AI.

[Torsten]

@thaodang119

I’m not make sense of

This should read “I can’t make sense of…”

[thaodang119]

Hi my leader Luschen, I tried to make my positives more specific by giving more examples and make support sentences more clear, Please check my essay agains. Tks

Your introduction seems to be complicated for me to write because of vocabularies like " ramifications, pundits

While many individuals have optimistic views about the rise of artificial intelligence, others worry about the possible negative effects of the spread of automated machines may have. In my opinion, the negative effects of intelligent robots and automation must be carefully considered.

On the one hand, machines controlled by computer can replace people to work in hostile hazardous environment where no human can survive. In deep space exploration, for example, submarines enable humans to dive to considerable depths to explore deep-sea organisms living there. Furthermore, intelligent technologies are obviously able to not only eliminate human errors but also do many job better than humans in areas that require high-level of accuracy, quick information processing, and sophisticated calculations. Surgical robots, for instance, are utilized by doctors in operations since such robots can achieve precise movements which limit injuries during surgeries and recovery time is shorter.
On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who fear that artificial intelligence may change to our lives in negative ways. In the short-term impacts, advances in artificial intelligence might pose a threat to the job security of millions of workers worldwide. Lorry drivers, taxi drivers, or public transportation drivers, for example, will be at risk of getting becoming redundant in vast numbers, if technologies made by artificial intelligence are ubiquitous. In the long term, the fear is that people become lazy and lose their creative powers, which in turn could result in workers could lose their expectations in life. Intelligent technologies, consequently, might take control out of humans and even dominate the world in many aspects like economy, education, or medicine.
In conclusion, artificial intelligence comes with beneficial and harmful sides. I believe that automated technologies can make positive contributions to society, but they must be well-regulated to reduce their potential harmful side effects.

[Luschen]

Hi Thaodang, sorry for my complicated vocabulary words, though they are not too complicated!
Ramifications just means effects or consequences, and pundits means people who state their opinions. So “pundits” is a great substitute for “people” in almost any introduction.

I think this is a great revision - I would expect an essay like this to score a band 7 or 7.5.

@thaodang119

{this is good, but maybe start with a general sentence about what artificial intelligence is or why it is important} [Scientists are working hard to develop machines that have the ability to think.] While many individuals {you can use “pundits” here instead, although individuals is fine too} have optimistic views about the rise of artificial intelligence, others worry about the possible negative effects of the spread of automated machines may have. In my opinion, the negative effects {just stick “ramifications” here instead and you reduce the repetition of “effects”} of intelligent robots and automation must be carefully considered.

On the one hand, machines controlled by computer can replace people to work in hostile hazardous [environments] where no human can survive. In deep space exploration, for example, submarines enable humans to dive to considerable depths to explore deep-sea organisms living there. Furthermore, intelligent technologies are obviously able to not only eliminate human errors but also do many job better than humans in areas that require high-level of accuracy, quick information processing, and sophisticated calculations. Surgical robots, for instance, are utilized by doctors in operations since such robots can achieve precise movements which limit injuries during surgeries and [shorten] recovery [times] is shorter. {I made this structure more parallel - {which limit and shorten"}
On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who fear that artificial intelligence may change to our lives in negative ways. In [terms of] the short-term impacts, advances in artificial intelligence might pose a threat to the job security of millions of workers worldwide. Lorry drivers, taxi drivers, or public transportation drivers, for example, will be at risk of getting becoming redundant in vast numbers, if technologies made by artificial intelligence are ubiquitous. In the long term, the fear is that people [will] become lazy and lose their creative powers, which in turn could result in workers could [losing] their expectations [of achievement and fulfillment] {“expectations” alone seemed too vague} in life. Intelligent technologies, consequently, might take control [away from] humans {or “take control out of human hands”} and even dominate the world in many aspects like economy, education, or medicine.
In conclusion, artificial intelligence comes with beneficial and harmful sides. I believe that automated technologies can make positive contributions to society, but they must be well-regulated to reduce their potential harmful side effects.