Hi Mr Luschen, could you score my writing essay and give me some advice to improve it. Thank you very much. Have a great day ^^
Topic : Government funding in university should only be provided for scholarship for the best student. All other funding can find from student fees and private organization.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My essay:
It is undeniable that university always know how to get money by fundraising from various sources. Some people believe that financial support from authority should solely be used to award scholarship for elite students, all other funding can be raised from tuition fees as well as non-governmental organizations. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.
On the one hand, that government’s financial assistance only aims to give scholarship to excellent students can be beneficial in some ways. It is undoubted that funding provided by the state are usually larger than private financial support, which leads to a greater deal of money given to the most outstanding students. Furthermore, a university with abundant scholarship seems to be more appealing than one with limited financial aid. As a result, huge financial support from authority can help university to attract more talented people.
Nevertheless, there are various drawbacks when university use the government funding to solely award the most remarkable students. It is clear that the university’s operating expense is considerably bigger than the student scholarship. Consequently, if the operation cost is totally covered by tuition fees and sporadic monetary help from private organizations, there will be a serious financial burden to students which can prevent them from attending education. Furthermore, university deciding not to use government money to operate is likely to suffer from some financial hardship, which can lead it to become less attractive to prospective students.
In conclusion, although government funding should be used as a main source to award excellent students, I believe, besides tuition fee and other fundings, this kind of monetary support can be spend on covering other university’s expense.
Hi Dan, your writing in this one is pretty good, but I get the overall impression that you did not fully understand what the prompt was asking. Here the government has two choices - 1. the government can give money in the form of scholarships to the top students, which the students then pass on to the university, with this being the sole government support the university gets. Or 2. Some other funding method - probably the government gives a lump sum to the university for the university to use at it sees fit. The other problem is that this prompt is an agree or disagree prompt, not a discuss both sides and give your opinion prompt. You correctly said you “completely disagree” with this view, but then I would expect you to have one paragraph giving the disadvantages of that view and another paragraph giving the advantages of an alternate funding method.
You should only give an advantage of the scholarships if you immediately say why it is not really an advantage or give some other explanation. Here are some additional comments:
Dear Dan Pham
Thanks for sharing a nice topic on Government Funding to the excellent students. As for me, the Government funding should be used not only for an Award Excellent student, but also it should be used to the students those who are suffering financial hardship. Tuition fees and other funding sources can be utilized for a University other expenses. The University is operating expenses will be higher than the funding sources, and it can be adjusted by collecting tuition fess and monetary help. So far, I could understand from your Essay and written my point of view.
Hi Mr Luschen,
To be honest, I still find it confused to understand the Question of this essay. Could you give me your opinion about my thought below?
This question is not a two-view essay. There is only one view supported by 2 sentences. Am i right, aren’t I?
As my opinion is “completely disagee with the view”, I think I will have two body paragraphs following two main ideas:
Paragraph 1: Disadvantages of the fact that government financial support is only used for scholarships for excellent students.
Paragraph 2: Advantages of using the government financial support to cover other costs.
Do you think that this outline can give a clear essay supporting my opinion?
First, here is a better version of the prompt you are working on:
Government funding for universities should only be provided for the best students as scholarships. Other funding of universities should come from student fees and private organizations.
Yes you are exactly correct.
Yes, I agree that outline would give a clear essay. Maybe focus on scholarships for the first paragraph, saying that the students’ finances also need to be taken into account, and why should government funds be spent giving money to smart, but rich students, who could easily afford school anyway. Then the second paragraph could explain the benefits of different funding methods, like giving a set amount to the university for each student. Then the university can spend the money more wisely since they know exactly what their biggest needs are.