IELTS Writing task 2 - Technology has changed the way people interact

[VickieZ]

Hi Luschen,

Thank you so much for reviewing my essays.

Here’s another one I wrote on technology’s impact on the way people interact. Please review and show me some better collocations if possible. Thank you very much for your kindly help.

Vickie

Technology is a double sword to our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates its people in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impaired the face-to-face communications among individuals, replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin enjoy a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to access to any individual anytime across the globe regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Nowadays, people tend to interact with their family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like they previously did. Hence, face-to-face communications are significantly decreased because of the widely usage of social media and digital devices.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and every individual closer. In addition, it revolutionized the ways of education, which represents a great benefit especially to students from remote and rural areas, Because of technology, open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futherlearn are accessible and are able to share the most valuable of the resources from the reputable universities to anyone needed. However, inevitably we are witnessing an increasing number of people rely too much on their mobiles and computers, therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of the relationship people make and the ways of people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitate the education, but had a negative impact on face-to-fact communications.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

[Luschen]

Hi VickieZ, another good essay, but I think you made some verb tense choices that were not ideal. Also, a topic like this would really benefit from more personal and detailed examples - how has technology changed your life and your relationships specifically? I’m sure you could come up with many examples. Please see my suggestions below.

@VickieZ

Hi Luschen,

Thank you so much for reviewing my essays.

Here’s another one I wrote on technology’s impact on the way people interact. Please review and show me some better collocations if possible. Thank you very much for your kindly help.

Vickie

Technology is a double[-edged] sword to [for] our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates its people {it doesn’t really facilitate people, it facilitates communication, or information gathering, or problem solving} in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impaired {“impairs” or “has impaired”} the face-to-face communications among individuals, [which have been] replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin enjoy {“have enjoyed” is better with “in recent years”} a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to [have] access to any individual anytime across the globe[,] regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Nowadays, people tend to interact with their family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like they previously did. Hence, face-to-face communications are[have] significantly decreased because of the wid[e ] usage of social media and digital devices.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and [brings] every individual closer. {“makes every individual closer” sounded odd} In addition, it revolutionized {once again, “has revolutionized” is a better tense here} the ways {“methods” is better here - “method” is a formal, scientific way} of education, which represents a great benefit[,] especially to students from remote and rural areas, Because of technology, open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futherlearn are accessible and are able to share the most valuable of the resources from the reputable universities to [with] anyone [who needs them] needed. However, inevitably we are witnessing an increasing number of people rely[ing] {or “people who rely”} too much on their mobiles and computers, [and] therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of the relationship[s ] people make and the ways of people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitate[s ] the education, but [has] had a negative impact on face-to-fact communications.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

[VickieZ]

Hi Luschen

Thank you so much for pointing out my grammatical erros, revising my essay as well as providing constructive suggestions. I accepted all your changes and revise my writing by including a few personal examples, please see if it’s suit. Thanks much!

Technology is a double-edged sword for our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates communications and information gathering in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impairs the face-to-face communications among individuals, which have been replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin have enjoyed a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to have access to any individual anytime across the globe, regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Take myself as an example, nowadays I am more inclined to interact with my family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like I previously did. It sadly occurs to me that in-person meetings have significantly decreased because of the wide usage of social media and digital devices, which may have possessed an danger to build intimate and effective relationship.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and brings every individual closer. In addition, it has revolutionized the ways of education, which represents a great benefit to students worldwide. Staying at home or library, I am able to be exposed to the most valuable academic resources from the reputable universities overseas via open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futurelearn. However, at the same time inevitably I witness an increasing number of people in my life relying too much on their mobiles and computers, and therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of relationships people make and the ways people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitates education, but has had a negative impact on in-person communications.

@Luschen

Hi VickieZ, another good essay, but I think you made some verb tense choices that were not ideal. Also, a topic like this would really benefit from more personal and detailed examples - how has technology changed your life and your relationships specifically? I’m sure you could come up with many examples. Please see my suggestions below.

Technology is a double[-edged] sword to [for] our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates its people {it doesn’t really facilitate people, it facilitates communication, or information gathering, or problem solving} in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impaired {“impairs” or “has impaired”} the face-to-face communications among individuals, [which have been] replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin enjoy {“have enjoyed” is better with “in recent years”} a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to [have] access to any individual anytime across the globe[,] regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Nowadays, people tend to interact with their family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like they previously did. Hence, face-to-face communications are[have] significantly decreased because of the wid[e ] usage of social media and digital devices.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and [brings] every individual closer. {“makes every individual closer” sounded odd} In addition, it revolutionized {once again, “has revolutionized” is a better tense here} the ways {“methods” is better here - “method” is a formal, scientific way} of education, which represents a great benefit[,] especially to students from remote and rural areas, Because of technology, open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futherlearn are accessible and are able to share the most valuable of the resources from the reputable universities to [with] anyone [who needs them] needed. However, inevitably we are witnessing an increasing number of people rely[ing] {or “people who rely”} too much on their mobiles and computers, [and] therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of the relationship[s ] people make and the ways of people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitate[s ] the education, but [has] had a negative impact on face-to-fact communications.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

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[VickieZ]

Hi Luschen

Thank you so much for pointing out my grammatical erros, revising my essay as well as providing constructive suggestions. I accepted all your changes and revise my writing by including a few personal examples, please see if it’s suit. Thanks much!

Technology is a double-edged sword for our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates communications and information gathering in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impairs the face-to-face communications among individuals, which have been replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin have enjoyed a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to have access to any individual anytime across the globe, regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Take myself as an example, nowadays I am more inclined to interact with my family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like I previously did. It sadly occurs to me that in-person meetings have significantly decreased because of the wide usage of social media and digital devices, which may have possessed an danger to build intimate and effective relationship.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and brings every individual closer. In addition, it has revolutionized the ways of education, which represents a great benefit to students worldwide. Staying at home or library, I am able to be exposed to the most valuable academic resources from the reputable universities overseas via open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futurelearn. However, at the same time inevitably I witness an increasing number of people in my life relying too much on their mobiles and computers, and therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of relationships people make and the ways people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitates education, but has had a negative impact on in-person communications.

@Luschen

Hi VickieZ, another good essay, but I think you made some verb tense choices that were not ideal. Also, a topic like this would really benefit from more personal and detailed examples - how has technology changed your life and your relationships specifically? I’m sure you could come up with many examples. Please see my suggestions below.

Technology is a double[-edged] sword to [for] our society, because on the one hand it links the world and facilitates its people {it doesn’t really facilitate people, it facilitates communication, or information gathering, or problem solving} in every aspect, while on the other hand, it impaired {“impairs” or “has impaired”} the face-to-face communications among individuals, [which have been] replaced by computer-mediated or mobile-mediated interactions.

Foremost, technology has transformed the ways that people make acquaintances. As the usage of social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin enjoy {“have enjoyed” is better with “in recent years”} a tremendous boost in recent years, everyone is able to [have] access to any individual anytime across the globe[,] regardless of distance or nationality. Moreover, technology has changed the ways of communications. Nowadays, people tend to interact with their family, friends, even clients over mobile or computer instead of paying a visit like they previously did. Hence, face-to-face communications are[have] significantly decreased because of the wid[e ] usage of social media and digital devices.

Certainly, technology has had a positive and profound impact on our society, as it makes the world like a small village and [brings] every individual closer. {“makes every individual closer” sounded odd} In addition, it revolutionized {once again, “has revolutionized” is a better tense here} the ways {“methods” is better here - “method” is a formal, scientific way} of education, which represents a great benefit[,] especially to students from remote and rural areas, Because of technology, open course platforms such as Coursera, edx and Futherlearn are accessible and are able to share the most valuable of the resources from the reputable universities to [with] anyone [who needs them] needed. However, inevitably we are witnessing an increasing number of people rely[ing] {or “people who rely”} too much on their mobiles and computers, [and] therefore spend less time with their family and friends.

In conclusion, technology has greatly changed the types of the relationship[s ] people make and the ways of people communicate and interact. It links the world and facilitate[s ] the education, but [has] had a negative impact on face-to-fact communications.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

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