IELTS Writing task 2:Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opition

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,
Please help me check my essay.

Thank you,

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own option.

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

In most school today, homework is an obligatory for all children as an essential part of their study. However, there have been some contrary opinions saying children should not be handled any homework by their teachers. In my personal opinion, I think both have there benefits and drawbacks, but in this case, the advantage of having homework outweigh the disadvantages.

From the perspective of not having any homework, children will have more free times to do whatever they want such as playing with their friends, discovering their surrounding and having more times to spend with their family. Therefore, these things will make children to easily open up their hearts with others and develop their social skills at the same time. Unfortunately, without homework, children will have a hard time keeping up at school because their brain can remember what the previous lecture was about. People didn’t say “If you want to good at somethings, practices is the best thing you can bet on” for no reason. The problems with not having any homework will make children not getting used with the format of standardized tests that every school has to test their student knowledge after a period of learning. This test is to make sure that their students can remember and apply the knowledge that they have studied into reality. If this continues, children basic background in science subjects such as math, physics or chemistry will break at some point, this will leads to the consequence of pursuing their higher education.

On the other hands, being handle homework for revising the lecture will train children brain to deal with multiple problems in different difficulties, this will develop their intellectual and prepare themselves better with tests at school. Doing homework regularly will give children a good grasp of understanding lessons at school. Children will have a good background of knowledge for reaching higher study levels. They might be able to be accepted into top tier institutions. This will affect their future jobs because once children are grown up and finish their education with a valuable degree, they will likely be recruited to work at top jobs with a high salary. Nevertheless, bombarding children with tons of homework is the worst things that teachers can do, being caught in a mountain of homework will make children nearly have any time to enjoy their childhood, have memories with their family and they will never have the change to develop their social skills. If all they know is study, they will not stand a change to survive when putting them out of their parents’s hands. The solution for this is to balance the number of homework that is given to children, for example, Finland schools have been standing at the top list of the world in term of having the best education, their secret is to give children the less homework that teachers can give, children only spend 20 minutes or less to finish their homework. Having done the opposite things that most schools do, Finland children have more free times to be kids and to enjoy their life, they can do what they are interested in, from learning another language or playing and instruments to building a robot to show off at school, Finland’s children have built for themselves multiple skills to help their brain develop in the best way thay they can, and turn out, their student not only being good at a variety of things but also have a happy life that kids can have.

In conclusion, from my point of views, both have their pros and cons but it’s undeniable that homework does have an extension role in childhood development.

[Luschen]

Hi thanks for your patience, I just got back to my city after an out-of-town trip. I think you have a lot of good ideas here, but you have not given enough importance to giving your own opinion.
This is one third of the prompt, and so deserves much more than a single sentence in your essay.
I would cut back on your existing two body paragraphs, one of which seemed to deviate from the topic anyway. This would give you time to develop your own opinion better in the conclusion paragraph by repeating the specific reasons that have convinced you. Your writing is clear and understandable, but you have a lot of small grammar and vocabulary errors, like using adjectives instead of nouns and connecting setences together with commas. Overall, these minor mistakes taken together make your writing sound unnatural. Here are some specific comments:

@kelvincumberbatch

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

In most [schools] today, homework is an obligatory for all children as an essential part of their study. However, there have been some contrary opinions saying children should not be handled [give/assigned] any homework by their teachers. In my personal opinion, I think both [viewpoints] have [their] benefits and drawbacks, but in this case, the [advantages] of having homework outweigh the disadvantages.

[Concerning] the perspective of not having any homework, children will have more free [time] to do whatever they want such as playing with their friends, discovering their [surroundings] {“exploring” seems better - discovering would be if they had never gone outside and suddenly discovered there is more than just their house} and having more [time] to spend with their family. Therefore, these [opportunities] {avoid using “things” - be more specific and creative} will make {“help” or “allow” are better here} children to easily open up their hearts with {“towards” sounds better} others and develop their social skills at the same time. Unfortunately[, there are downsides too, as] {your transition seemed too abrupt} without homework, children will have a hard time keeping up at school because their [brains] can [not] remember what the previous lecture was about [without constant reinforcement.] People didn’t {avoid contractions in formal essays} say “If you want to [become] good at [something], [practice] is the best thing you can bet on” {an actual aphorism might be better here, like “practice makes perfect” - your sentence shows that you are not that familiar with English sayings} for no reason. [A further] [problem] with not having any homework [is that it] will make children [unused to] the format of standardized tests that every school has to [give to] test their [students’] knowledge after [each semester] a period of learning. {it is better to use the actual English term if you know it} This test is to make sure that their students can remember and apply the knowledge that they have studied [to real life situations] reality {I don’t find this true at all, it just teaches students how to do well on tests! But that is my personal opinion } If this continues, [children’s] basic background in science subjects such as math, physics or chemistry will break [down] at some point[. This will lead] to [negative] consequence [when] pursuing their higher education. {you have ventured pretty far from the main topic of homework here - you haven’t mentioned it in three or four sentences! Always be sure to stick to the topic and explain how each example you give connects with the main topic of homework}

On the other [hand], being [given] homework for revising the [lectures in class] will train [children’s brains] to deal with multiple problems [of] different difficulties[. This] {watch out for your run-on sentences - you cannot connect two independent clauses with a comma} will develop their [intellects] and [better] prepare [them] [for] tests at school. Doing homework regularly will give children a good grasp of understanding {understanding is redundant here} lessons at school. Children will have a good background of knowledge for reaching higher [academic] levels. [For example,] {or “To be specific, they …”} They might be able to be accepted into top tier institutions. This will affect their future jobs because once children are grown up and finish their education with a valuable degree, they will likely be recruited to work at top jobs with a high salary. Nevertheless, bombarding children with tons of homework is [one of ] the worst things that teachers can do[, since] being caught in a mountain of homework will make children [rarely] have any time to enjoy their childhood, have memories with their family [or] and they will never have the [chance] to develop their social skills. If all they know is study, they will not stand a [chance of surviving] when putting them out of [leaving] their parents’s hands. The solution for this is to balance the [amount] of homework that is given to children[. For] example, [Finnish] schools {or “schools in Finland”} have been standing at the top [of the] list of the [world’s educational systems] in {or better, have been standing at the top of the world in terms of having …"} [terms] of having the best education[. Their] secret is to give children the less homework that teachers can give, [so that] children only spend 20 minutes or less to finish their homework. Having [benefited from] the opposite [policies] that most schools [have], Finland children have more free [time] to be kids and to enjoy their life.[ In this way, they] can do what they are interested in, from learning another language or playing [an instrument] to building a robot to show off at school, Finland’s children have built for themselves multiple skills to help their brain develop in the best way [that] they can, and [as it turns out], their [students] not only [become] good at a variety of [subjects] but also have [the happiest lives] that kids can have.

In conclusion, from my point of [view], both have their pros and cons but [it is] undeniable that homework does have an [extensive] role in childhood development.

[kelvincumberbatch]

Thank you very much,

Teacher.