Ielts writing task 2, please mark my essay and give me some advice

topic : As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is obvious that the adults spend half of their lives at work, job satisfaction is a vital factor of each individual wellbeing. The objectives of this essay are to outline the elements that make a contribution to job satisfaction and the degree of the realistic in its expectation of for all employees.

To begin with, there are a number of intrinsic factors which form satisfaction in working. That is the promotion opportunities in people’s career. Job guarantee and praises from the supervisors are potential motivation which help workers to endeavour to gain more achievements. Besides, the individual’s interest is also a crucial part in job satisfaction which makes people be dedicated to their jobs. For example, one person who is passionate about taking photographs finds it easier to pursue his interest in the field of photograph-relating jobs.

Secondly, extrinsic factors also have profound impacts on satisfied workers. There is no doubt that salary is one of the priorities in job satisfaction. That is because the well-being of one individual depends on his financial state. Moreover, money plays an important role in the quality of people’s lives. Additionally, the working environment is also a part of satisfied employees. To illustrate, the relationship between staff and directors or among colleges dramatically affect the productivity of workers.

Finally, it is almost unrealistic to live up to each individual’s expectation in job satisfaction. While some people are not contending with their salary, others complain about their working environment or even their rude director. Therefore, not every company offer excellent job satisfaction and it changes in accordance with the period of time.

In conclusion, the sense of satisfaction of workers depends on both inside and outside factors which people often take into consideration when choosing a job. Howeve, it is neccessary for them to change to adapt to each circumstance due to the fact that the expectation of job satisfaction is almost unrealistic.

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Hi Rynana, I liked the format of your essay and dividing elements of job satisfaction into intrinsic and extrinsic factors was a creative idea. See below that I thought your second body paragraph was better developed than your first. But that said, I don’t think you gave the second half of the prompt adequate emphasis. This should probably make up about 1/2 of your essay body, but in your essay it is barely 1/4. I think you could go into more detail about why some jobs are just not very pleasant, but still need to be done by somebody. Your writing was pretty good here, but you did have a few awkward or confusing phrases. Here are some specifics:

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Thank you leader,
i am trying to do better.

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