Ielts - writing task 2. Please correct and grade my writing

Topic: It is generally agreed that the amount of rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide problem.
What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What measures can be used to tackle the problem?

Everybody knows that garbage produced by people is a global issue. There are many
causes and solutions to solve the problem.

First of all, overpopulation is one of the reasons of garbage increased. Many people have
led to an increase in the amount of rubbish and waste being manufactured. For
example, some people lack of education and ignorance the effect of polluting the
environment, therefore, they throw away the waste like plastic bottles or bags on the
streets instead of putting them in the waste baskets. Secondly, the growth of
consumption of merchandise, for example, cars, clothes, computers, food is also a
major cause of garbage increased and affects the environment.

Turning to various solutions to improve the environment, some people, who have less knowledge about waste disposal, should be educated through student course books and the media. In addition, governments should reduce the pressure of overpopulation in urban areas by encouraging citizens to move to the countryside. On top of that, they should provide sufficient rubbish bins and punish people who throw away garbage in areas such as parks, streets and rivers with fines such as in Singapore.

By way of conclusion, although the problem of environmental damage due to increasing waste all over the world may seem impossible to eliminate, there are several effective methods that can be taken to improve the negative influence of growing waste on society. It is recommended that we should protect the environment even through small acts such as recycling and reusing old items.

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(The essay highlights various causes and practicable solutions. So, I’d like to rate it as being good for a score of 65%)

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Kate2202,

I am sorry to say that I would rate your essay 4 out of 10, considering the fact that you are not a school-going boy/girl. Bcz, apart from the points corrected by Anglophile there are many points to be included to make it literally sound. I am not talking about verbosity or jargon, which doesn’t make a writing rich one. You should try to use of idiomatic expressions, proverbs, sayings of great men. Generally a good essay starts with proverbs or sayings. However, it is a good effort on your part. Keep on reading books/articles/editorials and writing on various topics. This will immensely help you.

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Thank you for your feedback. Due to my mistake, it is actually an incomplete essay. I posted the complete one. Hope you could correct and grade it again

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