Ielts writing task 2 about lifestyle

I tried to write an essay to discuss about the topic below. Please check my work and give me some feedbacks about it, even the score you think i will get if i write some thing like this in a real IELTS exam. I am very appreciated for your kindness.
Topic **

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while

others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


People have different ideas in terms of whether people these days are becoming dependent on each other or not. In this essay, I will discuss both these views and elaborate on the reasons why I think people are more dependent on the others than they were, in the past.

To begin with, opponents of this idea may argue that there is an increasing number of young people who choose to live far away from their family, which means they have to pay all the living costs and do their household chores by their own. As the result, they are independent from their parents. In comparison to the past when all family members lived together in their home, shared responsibility and did the same work, it is transparent that youngsters are more self-reliant now. In addition, due to technology advance, the job which may be done by several people in the old days can be completed by just one person now. Therefore, it is no need to work with other people.

However, in my opinion, people are more dependent on each other in both individual and social level. Although the young oftentimes not dwell in the same place with their family, they still keep in touch with each other by a range of means such as Messenger, Zalo or Skype. They even speak to the others more than they used to because they can contact no matter where they are or what they are doing as long as they are online. In social scale, global economy has established with more and more commodities being traded and there are various components coming from different countries in just one product. If just one single country stop manufacture its component, the whole chain will collapse.

In conclusion, it is flawed to claim that people are become more self-reliant for reasons I mentioned above.