IELTS Writing Task 1: Pie Chart

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,

Please help me check my friend’s report.

Thank you very much.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. (Page 15)

The given pie charts illustrate the amount of water consumption by citizens in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

Overall, the water usage for residential account the most percetage in San Diego Country, agriculture in this country use the less water. In contrast, the rest of the world spend most of water usage in agriculture, also, the less use of water fall in residential category. California had a nearly equality in water comsumtion for three categories which are residentail, industry and agriculture.

In California and San Diego, residential water consumption took up a large amount, in percificly, 60% and 39%. By contrast, only a fraction of 8% in home water usage in the rest of the world. The opposite trend can be seen when agriculture constituted a massive 69% in water consumption in the rest of world but in San Diego and California, it only account for 17% and 28% the amount.

For industry water consumption, all three countries spend all most the same amount of water usage. San Diego Country and the rest of the world have an equal amount of water usage of 23%. California uses 10% higher at 33%.

[Luschen]

Thank you, I will get to all these tonight!

[Luschen]

Hi, I think this report was pretty good. It seems like you could have given more of the information in your third paragraph in your summary.
That third paragraph was much more clear than you summary at saying that agriculture plays a much more minor role in water use in San Diego and even in California than in the world as a whole and that unlike the worldwide statistics, water usage in San Diego County is greatly concentrated in the residential sector. Still, you did communicate that information later in your report. You did have a couple of odd sounding phrases and that word percificly, but apart from that your writing was fairly clear.
Here are some specific suggestions:

@kelvincumberbatch

The given pie charts illustrate the amount of water consumption by citizens in San Diego, California and the rest of the world [as a whole]. {“worldwide” includes both San Diego and California}

Overall, the water usage for residential [uses] [accounts for] the [highest] percentage in San Diego Country, [while] agriculture in this [county] [uses] the [least] water. In contrast, the rest of the world [spends] most of [its] water usage in [for] agriculture, also, the less use of water fall in residential category. {this last phrase is incorrect} California had a nearly equality {“a near equality” sounds odd - better to say “had nearly equal water consumption for all three categories”} in water [consumption] for three categories which are [residential], industry and agriculture.

In California and San Diego, residential water consumption took up a large amount, in percificly,{what word is this supposed to be?} 60% and 39%. By contrast, only a fraction of 8% [of water was devoted to] home water usage in the rest of the world. The opposite trend can be seen [as] agriculture constituted a massive 69% [of] water consumption in the rest of world but in San Diego and California, it only [accounted] for 17% and 28% [of] the amount [respectively].

[In terms of] industry water consumption, all three countries [areas] spend [almost] the same amount of water usage. {maybe “areas share similar proportions of water usage” - I don’t think 23% and 33% are “almost the same”} San Diego Country and the rest of the world have an equal [percentage] of [industrial] water usage[, at] 23%[, while] California uses 10% [more] at 33%.

[kelvincumberbatch]

@Luschen

Hi, I think this report was pretty good. It seems like you could have given more of the information in your third paragraph in your summary.
That third paragraph was much more clear than you summary at saying that agriculture plays a much more minor role in water use in San Diego and even in California than in the world as a whole and that unlike the worldwide statistics, water usage in San Diego County is greatly concentrated in the residential sector. Still, you did communicate that information later in your report. You did have a couple of odd sounding phrases and that word percificly, but apart from that your writing was fairly clear.
Here are some specific suggestions:

kelvincumberbatch:

The given pie charts illustrate the amount of water consumption by citizens in San Diego, California and the rest of the world [as a whole]. {“worldwide” includes both San Diego and California}

Overall, the water usage for residential [uses] [accounts for] the [highest] percentage in San Diego Country, [while] agriculture in this [county] [uses] the [least] water. In contrast, the rest of the world [spends] most of [its] water usage in [for] agriculture, also, the less use of water fall in residential category. {this last phrase is incorrect} California had a nearly equality {“a near equality” sounds odd - better to say “had nearly equal water consumption for all three categories”} in water [consumption] for three categories which are [residential], industry and agriculture.

In California and San Diego, residential water consumption took up a large amount, in percificly,{what word is this supposed to be?} 60% and 39%. By contrast, only a fraction of 8% [of water was devoted to] home water usage in the rest of the world. The opposite trend can be seen [as] agriculture constituted a massive 69% [of] water consumption in the rest of world but in San Diego and California, it only [accounted] for 17% and 28% [of] the amount [respectively].

[In terms of] industry water consumption, all three countries [areas] spend [almost] the same amount of water usage. {maybe “areas share similar proportions of water usage” - I don’t think 23% and 33% are “almost the same”} San Diego Country and the rest of the world have an equal [percentage] of [industrial] water usage[, at] 23%[, while] California uses 10% [more] at 33%.

Thank you very much,

Teacher,