IELTS Writing task 1: Line-

[kelvincumberbatch]

Dear teacher,
Please help me check this IELTS Writing task 1 report.

Thank you,

The given line graph compares mobiles and landing phone services in terms of average yearly spending.

Overall, it is clear that cell phone services are following an increasing patent and hold the first place, surpassed residential phone services in 2006. Landing phone services fell steadily over the 10-year period.

In 2001, US users spent an annual average of nearly $700 on residential phone services and declined steadily, compared to only around $200 on cell phone services which kept increasing over the years. At the end of 2001, while mobile phone consumers rose approximately $300, landing phone services had dropped by nearly $200.

In the year 2006, the average American paid out the same amount of money on both types of phone services, which is just over $500 on each. By 2010, expenditure on mobile phones had reached roughly $750, while the figure for spending on residential services had fallen to approximately $400.

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your report was well organized and described the graph pretty well, but you did have some factual errors, or at least what sounded like errors. Plus, it was not always clear that you were talking about average per capita spending - sometimes you mentioned customers and sometimes it sounded like you were talking about the total spending.
Here are some specific suggestions:

@kelvincumberbatch

The given line graph compares mobiles and [landline] phone services in terms of average yearly spending. {be sure to mention the period of time the graph covers and that this is for the US}

Overall, it is clear that cell phone services [followed] an increasing patent{“patent” is incorrect here} and hold the first place, surpassed residential phone services [after] 2006. {it looks like in 2006 they were tied} [In contrast, residential] phone services fell steadily over the 10-year period.

In 2001, US users spent an annual average of nearly $700 [each] on residential phone services[, an amount that] declined steadily [in the subsequent years], compared to only around $200 [per capita] on cell phone services[,] which kept increasing over the years. At the end of 2001, {this is misleading - it is clear that the line graph gives one point per year, and then they “connect the dots” with line segments - so the total for 2001 was $200, the total for 2002 was $300, and so on - talking about “by the end of 2001” makes things less clear, not more clear} while mobile phone consumers rose {the customers did not rise, the average amount spent rose} [to] approximately $300, [landline] phone services had dropped by nearly $200. {I don’t see this - landline phone expenditures had not dropped by $200 until 2007 - going from slightly below $700 to slightly below $500}

In the year 2006, the average American paid out the same amount of money on both types of phone services, which [was] just over $500 on each. By 2010, [average expenditures] on mobile phones had reached roughly $750, while the figure for spending on residential services had fallen to approximately $400.

[kelvincumberbatch]

@Luschen

Hi, I think your report was well organized and described the graph pretty well, but you did have some factual errors, or at least what sounded like errors. Plus, it was not always clear that you were talking about average per capita spending - sometimes you mentioned customers and sometimes it sounded like you were talking about the total spending.
Here are some specific suggestions:

kelvincumberbatch:

The given line graph compares mobiles and [landline] phone services in terms of average yearly spending. {be sure to mention the period of time the graph covers and that this is for the US}

Overall, it is clear that cell phone services [followed] an increasing patent{“patent” is incorrect here} and hold the first place, surpassed residential phone services [after] 2006. {it looks like in 2006 they were tied} [In contrast, residential] phone services fell steadily over the 10-year period.

In 2001, US users spent an annual average of nearly $700 [each] on residential phone services[, an amount that] declined steadily [in the subsequent years], compared to only around $200 [per capita] on cell phone services[,] which kept increasing over the years. At the end of 2001, {this is misleading - it is clear that the line graph gives one point per year, and then they “connect the dots” with line segments - so the total for 2001 was $200, the total for 2002 was $300, and so on - talking about “by the end of 2001” makes things less clear, not more clear} while mobile phone consumers rose {the customers did not rise, the average amount spent rose} [to] approximately $300, [landline] phone services had dropped by nearly $200. {I don’t see this - landline phone expenditures had not dropped by $200 until 2007 - going from slightly below $700 to slightly below $500}

In the year 2006, the average American paid out the same amount of money on both types of phone services, which [was] just over $500 on each. By 2010, [average expenditures] on mobile phones had reached roughly $750, while the figure for spending on residential services had fallen to approximately $400.

Dear teacher,
Thanks a ton,