I am a new one here. Could you revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.
Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things rather than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed by some that governments should spend money on vital sectors instead of arts. While it is necessary to prioritize expenditure on education and healthcare, I would argue that funding painting and music is also worthwhile.
On the one hand, the government should spend its budget first on schools and hospitals in order to guarantee primary rights of inhabitants. First, a majority of citizens have a basic entitlement to education which could increase their employability when entering the labour market. If authorities do not focus on education, many people might lose the chance to study, lacking necessary knowledge and job-related skills such as critical thinking or problem-solving. Second, since people basically need to have good health to work and enjoy their lives, the government is required to expand its network of healthcare centers so as to serve as many citizens as possible.
On the other hand, spending on arts also benefits individuals and the government. One reason is arts significantly contribute to people’s spiritual lives as music and painting bring about happy and satisfying moments for people of all ages. For example, listening to pop music is a shared interest of many youngsters, while people of a certain age have an obsession with charm music. As a result, the funding for building theaters or galleries could allow more citizens to have the chance to enjoy their hobbies. Additionally, the leisure industry has experienced a dramatic boom in many countries these days. Support for the development of this industry is also a profitable investment when the government could collect more taxes.
In conclusion, while investment in education and hospital is the top priority, the government also need to allocate their budgets to music and painting to take care of spiritual lives of their citizens.