IELTS task 2- Topic : Independence



Please help me review my IELTS essay. Thanks !

Topic: Some people think that in the mordern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people has become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:
People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my opinion, thanks to the modernsation of the world, we are more independent than people were in the past.
On the one hand, there are reasons why it could be argued that we are more reliant on each other now First, life is complex and difficult, especially, the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to depend on their parents for help when buying a house. Because property prices are higher than ever, if without help, it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Second, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays ,they want a better quality life for their families. So, both parents usually need to work full-time and they depend on their support from grandparents and babysitters for childcare.
On the other hand, I would agree with those who believe that we are more independent these days .Some people think that the dependence on others will waste of time and delay the work. Also, becoming independent will increase confidence to face the difficult situation and it helps in enhancing decision-making skills. For example, many parents often encourage their children to study abroad instead of going to the local university because this experience makes them understand the outside environment, help in building their self-confidence when they learn to live alone. In addition, thanks to the great popularity of the internet allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that we are more reliant on each other, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.

Best regards,

Thao Quy