IELTS TASK 2: Hanging out is a good way to relax and unwind. Do the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

[Minh_Minh]

Hi Luschen, I am a new one here. I am going to have an IELTS exam next week. Could you please revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much!

Topic: Hanging out is a good way to relax and unwind. Do the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, people have many different styles of relaxation and unwinding. One of the great ones is hanging out. This essay will argue that the benefits of this way are more remarkable than the drawbacks.

It is clear that hanging out has some considerable positive effects. The greatest advantage of this is relieving stress effectively. When people hang out after work, study or in their free time, they could temporarily leave their pressures behind to enjoy chatting, eating, drinking and sharing funny moments with friends or family. Another additional benefit of this is that it helps people improve their relationships. The majority of people today seem to always be busy with their own lives and do not have much chance to meet others. Therefore, it would be a good opportunity to communicate with fellows, relatives or sometimes make new friends when people hang out.

Nevertheless, this way has not only good sides but also some downsides. First, it is a time-consuming activity. Sometimes it could take so much time just for hanging out instead of doing some extra positive activities such as playing sports, reading, or self-caring. Second, it will be very costly if people go to and spend too much on luxurious places. It would mean that they would get more pressure to make money when back to work. Third, it will be unhealthy if people eat too much junk food or get drunk when hanging out. Because food and drink are things affecting human inside body directly. However, these demerits could be controlled by people’s moderation in this activity.

In conclusion, although hanging out has some drawbacks existing, it appears to me that the advantages of this way are more notable than the disadvantages.

[Luschen]

Hi Minh Minh, welcome to the forum! It looks like you have an effective essay format and that you have addressed the prompt correctly. For this prompt, I think a big challenge is demonstrating that you fully understand the idiom of “hanging out”. I think you could have done this better by using synonyms and short descriptions that demonstrate that you realize hanging out means not having any definite plan or any definite destination. Mainly it is just meeting up with your friends and seeing what happens. You could contrast this with a well-organized trip or outing in which every detail is planned for in advance. Some people find that the lack of a definite plan is actually more stressful, so those individuals might not enjoy just hanging out. Also, your conclusion seems a little short. I would go into a little more detail there about exactly why you think the benefits outnumber the drawbacks. Your vocabulary is fairly basic, but you have used most of your words correctly, and you only have a few grammar errors. Here are some specific comments:

@Minh_Minh

These days, people have many different styles of relaxation and unwinding. One of the great ones is [just] hanging out. This essay will argue that the benefits of this way [of relieving stress is] are more remarkable {“remarkable” sounds a bit odd here - remarkable seems to imply unusual or unique} than the drawbacks. {I would try to describe what “hanging out” means to you. This seems like a very vague term, so it would be good to state exactly what we are referring to}

It is clear that hanging out has some considerable positive effects. The greatest advantage of this is [its ability to relieve] relieving stress effectively {yours was ok, but this seems better} . [To elaborate,] When people hang out after work, [after] study or in their free time, they could temporarily leave their pressures behind to enjoy chatting, eating, drinking and sharing funny moments with friends or family. Another additional benefit of this [choice] is that it helps people improve their relationships. The majority of people today seem to always be busy with their own lives and do not have much chance to meet others. Therefore,it would be a good opportunity to communicate with fellows, relatives or sometimes make new friends when people [meet up to just shoot the breeze] hang out. {try to use more descriptive synonyms}

Nevertheless, this way {“way” alone sounds a little odd - you need to add something like “this way of passing the time”} has not only good [points] {the “sides” and “sides” sounded suboptimal} but also some downsides. First, it is a time-consuming activity. Sometimes it could take [up] so much time just {or “take so much time just to hang out”} for hanging out instead of doing some extra positive {does extra here mean very positive or additional activities? A little ambiguous} activities such as playing sports, reading, or self-caring. {“self caring” sounds vague - I guess you mean “just taking care of oneself” or “taking care of one’s daily commitments”} Second, it will be very costly if people go to {“visit” sounds better here before the “spend too much”} and spend too much on luxurious places. It would mean that they would get more pressure to make money when [they get] back to work. {this is not really a good argument and gives the impression that you don’t fully understand “hanging out” - the whole point of hanging out is that you do not go anywhere special - that would actually be the opposite of hanging out.} Third, it will be unhealthy if people eat too much junk food or get drunk when hanging out. {make sure you specifically connect hanging out with eating or drinking - this is a possibility, but you should state it - “Third, people often tend to hang out with their friends in a neighborhood bar or fast food restaurant. As a result, it could be unhealthy …”} Because food and drink are things affecting human inside body directly. {this is not a complete sentence and I don’t really understand your point} However, these demerits could be controlled by people’s moderation [when pursuing] this activity.

In conclusion, although hanging out has some drawbacks existing, it appears to me that the advantages of this way [of relaxing] are more notable than the disadvantages.

[Minh_Minh]

Thanks so much for your remarks and suggestions. Could you tell me which band score I can achieve for this essay?

[Luschen]

I am really not sure. It all depends on whether the grader felt that you fully understood the term “hanging out”. If the grader thinks you did understand, I think this might score a band 7.