IELTS:increasing petrol's price is best way to solve traffic, pollution problems

[Inuyasha33]

Dear Luschen,

This is an Ielts essay, could you please rate my writing and give me some suggestions if possible? Thank you very much in advance.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Traffic congestion and air pollution are the problems that many countries all over the world have been facing over recent years. Some people believe that the price of petrol should be increased in order to sort these problems out. In my view, this cannot be the best way as these problems could be improved efficiently with other reasonable measures.

Petrol is one of the essential units in human life. Without it, we could not have a smooth transport throughout the country and to other countries for businesses and individuals’ lives. Due to the fact that people use many sorts of transport, particularly private cars, which congests traffic and polluted the air. Increasing petrol’s price seems then an effective plan for this issue. This would partly help as we will think of other ways of transport when it costs us more money. However, this way would have an enormous influence on many other economic sectors, such as retail trading. Consequently, food and service prices would be getting tremendously high. Because petrol is mostly the basic element for determining any product’s price.

With regards to the solutions for these worrying trends, other factors should be taken into account. Firstly, government should encourage its citizens to make more use of other ways of transport without polluting the air environment. One of these is using bicycles. While taking a trip around the city centre by bikes, people can not only be environmentally friendly, but also exercise instead of going to the gym by car. In addition, public transport should be improved so that many people would opt for a bus ride rather than taking their own cars so as not to cause much trouble for the traffic.

In conclusion, it must be logic to think that increasing the price of petrol is useful in terms of solving the traffic and pollution problems. However, it would be more effective if the government takes more steps such as having citizens travel by bike and designating more bus routes in the city rather than relying on this.

TOEFL listening lectures: Who are not included as members of the Underground Railroad?

[Luschen]

Hi Inuyasha, welcome to the forum. I think you have written a pretty good essay. You addressed the topic well and justified your viewpoints with appropriate examples. Your writing was clear, but you did have some small errors like sentence fragments and phrases that did not sound completely natural. Your vocabulary was not bad, but you had a few word choices that could be improved. I think I would rate this a band 6.

@Inuyasha33

Dear Luschen,

This is an Ielts essay, could you please rate my writing and give me some suggestions if possible? Thank you very much in advance.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Traffic congestion and air pollution are the {“the” implies that these are the only problems} problems that many countries all over the world have been facing over recent years. Some people believe that the price of petrol should be increased in order to sort these problems out.{“sort them out” sounds too mild here - it is not really a matter of just sorting some things out} In my view, this cannot be the best way as these problems could be improved [more] {it was ok, but it sounds better with the “more” here} efficiently with other reasonable measures.

Petrol is one of the essential units{“commodities” is better} in human life. Without it, we could not have a smooth transport[ation network] throughout the country and to other countries for businesses and individuals’ lives. {“individuals’ lives” sounds odd here} Due to the fact that people use many sorts of transport, particularly private cars, which congests[congest] traffic and polluted the air.{this is not a complete sentence} Increasing petrol’s price seems then [to be] an effective plan for this issue. This would partly help as we will think of other ways of transport when it costs us more money. However, this way{“option” seems better} would have an enormous influence on many other economic sectors, such as retail trad[e ]. Consequently, food and service prices would be getting {“would get” is the correct tense, but it does not sound very natural - maybe “would rise tremendously”} tremendously high. Because petrol is mostly the basic element for determining any product’s price. {this is not a complete sentence - add it to the previous sentence with a comma}

With regards to the solutions for these worrying trends, other factors should be taken into account. Firstly, [the] government should encourage its citizens to make more use of other ways of transport without polluting[that do not pollute] the air environment.{“air environment” sounds odd} One of these is using bicycles. While taking a trip around the city centre by bikes, people can not only be environmentally friendly, but also exercise instead of going to the gym by car. In addition, public transport should be improved so that many people would opt for a bus ride rather than taking their own cars so as not to cause much trouble for the traffic.

In conclusion, it must be logic[ical] to think that increasing the price of petrol is useful in terms of solving the traffic and pollution problems. However, it would be more effective if the government takes more steps such as having citizens travel by bike and designating more bus routes in the city rather than relying on this.

TOEFL listening lectures: Who are not included as members of the Underground Railroad?

[Inuyasha33]

Hi Luschen,

Thank you very much for your precious correction. Here are some of my improvements that I have made. Do you think they would make the sentence sound a bit more natural?

In the introduction, to sort these problems out–> to resolve these.
Individuals’s lives–> individuals or individuals’ purposes.
Due to the fact that people use many sorts of transport, particularly private cars, which congests traffic and pollutes the air, it is rather difficult to force them to quit their convenient way of traveling.

[Luschen]

@Inuyasha33

Hi Luschen,

Thank you very much for your precious correction. Here are some of my improvements that I have made. Do you think they would make the sentence sound a bit more natural?

In the introduction, to sort these problems out–> to resolve these.
{yes, this is better}
Individuals’s lives–> individuals or individuals’ purposes.
{this is an improvement, but it might sound better to say “Without it, we could not have a smoothly functioning transportation network throughout the country and beyond its borders, serving the needs of businesses as well as individuals.” }
Due to the fact that people use many sorts of transport, particularly private cars, which congests[congest] traffic and pollutes[pollute] the air, it is rather difficult to force them to quit their convenient way[s ]{because you were talking about the “many sorts of transport”} of traveling.