IELTS Essay - TV vs Radio

[Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe]

Hi Luschen,

Can you please rate my essay (IELTS band 0 to 9).

**Some people think that radio is the best way to get news while others think that television is better for this purpose. **

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some argue that radio is the more reliable way to get news across the globe, while others believe that for understanding any news Television is an excellent way. It is agreed that while some people can prefer to listen the radio news, Television can deliver the news in a better way. This essay will discuss the merits of radio channels, secondly, an analysis of television channels to depict information in a more convenient way followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Since radio is installed in devices like smartphones, DVD player, there is no need to purchase a separate device for this. As a result, accessing the radio is very cheap or free of cost. Due to the portability and availability of these devices, radio is better to access in any situation. For example, while travelling from one location to another we can easily access radio channels to get news. However, radio channels do not contain any visual representation information and sometimes it is hard to believe in certain things.

Television sets are a better option due to the fact that they can depict the news in an interesting way. Obviously, we can believe what we can see and hear and it helps us to understand certain things more clearly. For instance, during the 26\11 Mumbai attack, because of television channels coverage, people obtained the information related to terrorists and their future plans and a wave of hatred spread across the country. In spite of this, television sets are not portable and to purchase it requires more investment.

In summary, although, there are some issues related to portability and cost, television is the best way to deliver the news.

[Luschen]

Hi Deepak, I think for this type of prompt, it is better to give two objective analyses of the viewpoints, and then give your opinion in a separate paragraph, which can be combined with the conclusion. In fact, reading your thesis statement, this is the outline I was expecting. Your writing itself was pretty good, though you did have several small errors and some awkward word choices.
Overall, I don’t think this is quite up to the band 7 level, maybe band 6.

@Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe

Some argue that radio is the more reliable way to get news across the globe, while others believe that for understanding any news[,] [television] is an excellent way. {both of these could be true - radio could be the best, while television could still be excellent} It is agreed {it is agreed by whom? This makes it sound like everyone agrees with this, which is surely not true} that while some people can prefer to listen the radio news, [television] can deliver the news in a better way. This essay will discuss the merits of radio channels, [followed by] an analysis of television [channels’ ability] to depict information in a more convenient way[, and ending with] a reasoned conclusion. {this thesis sounds a little odd to me}

{it would be good to start with a transition here} Since radio [comes] installed in devices like smartphones [and DVD players], there is no need to purchase a separate device for this. As a result, accessing the radio is very cheap or free of [charge].{or “very cheap or even free.”} Due to the portability and availability of these devices, radio is better [able] to access [information] in any situation. For example, while travelling from one location to another we can easily access {“easily tune into radio …” sounds better and reduces repetition} radio channels to get news. However, radio channels do not contain any visual representation [of] information and sometimes it is hard to believe in certain things. {this last part is unclear - is it hard to believe because we can not see the information? Or do radio stations tend to be more unreliable or biased?}

Television sets are a better option due to the fact that they can depict the news in an interesting way. Obviously, we can believe what we can see and hear and it helps us to understand certain things {try to avoid using “things” - be more specific and descriptive. Maybe “events”} more clearly. For instance, during the 26\11 Mumbai attack, because of television [channels’] coverage, people obtained the information related to terrorists and their future plans and a wave of hatred spread across the country. {wow, this example doesn’t really make television sound like a good thing! } In spite of this, television sets are not portable and to purchase [one] requires more [of an] investment. {this sentence seems tacked on. Plus if you are arguing for something, it is best to put possible objections first, address them, and then finish with your strong support}

In summary, although, {no comma here} there are some issues related to portability and cost, television is the best way to deliver the news. {some graders do not want to see single-sentence paragraphs}

[Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe]

Thanks Luschen