IELTS Essay-Shopping in malls or Local Markets?

Hi Luschen,
Wish you a very happy new year. Can you please review my IELTS essay and rate it in range of 0-9?

Some people prefer shopping centers, while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each? Share your opinion and any personal experience in your answer.

Shopping is fun for many where as for some it is not a enjoyable event. Many people prefer to be at shopping malls to make their shopping comfortable. However, others prefer to use local market to buy cheap and fresh things. The advantages of both will be shared before conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, many people argue shopping malls offer ease and convenient than local markets. For example, it is usually observed that consumers gets outlets of famous brands in malls at a single place and at a times attractive offers too on it. Local market normally not seen presence of such outlets. Also, shopping malls are provided with parking areas and food malls to make consumers shopping experience enjoyable.

On the other hand, shopping at local markets is more pleasurable for many buyers to buy fresh items with competitive rates. For example, I always found fresh vegetables and fruits supplied by nearby farmers in local market in my city. Such freshness of fruits and vegetables is not seen normally in shopping malls and that too in such a cheap price.

Looking at the benefits of both the sides, it appears difficult to decide which shopping experience is better. Hence, it must be concluded that both the preferences are equal in their own ways. As populations grows shopping malls will have buyers crowd and local markets too have its patrons.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Sociobiology

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Hi, Amolparitkar, Happy New Year to you as well. I thought your essay was pretty good. You addressed the topic well and your writing is generally clear and easy to understand. You do have some errors in grammar and word choice though, and your vocabulary is a bit too simple, with a lot of repetition. Overall, I would rate this a band 6.

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Here is an amended version of your essay:

IELTS Essay-Shopping in malls or Local Markets?

Shopping is fun for many, while for some it is not a pleasant event. Many people prefer to be in shopping malls for convenience. Others, however, prefer the local market to buy cheap and fresh things. The advantages of both are shared before drawing a conclusion.

On the one hand, many people argue that shopping malls are more convenient and comfortable than local markets. For example, it is usually observed that in shopping malls, consumers can find outlets of famous brands in a single place and sometimes attractive offers on them. In local markets, there are usually no such outlets. Moreover, shopping malls are equipped with parking lots and grocery stores to provide customers with a pleasant shopping experience.

On the other hand, shopping at local markets is more convenient for many shoppers because they can buy fresh produce at reasonable prices. For example, I have always found fresh vegetables and fruits offered by local farmers at the local market in my city. You don’t usually see such freshness of fruits and vegetables in shopping malls, and at such a low price too.

Considering the advantages of both sides, it seems difficult to decide which shopping experience is better. Therefore, one must conclude that both preferences are equal in their own way. As the population grows, shopping malls will have buyers and local markets will have their customers as well.

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