IELTS essay- Junk food

[Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe]

Hi Luschen,

Can you please evaluate my essay (Please rate IELTS band between 0 to 9).

Fast food is a part of life in some place. Some people think this has had bad effects on lifestyle and diet.
Do you agree or disagree?

At many places, fast food is available at a cheap rate and it has vital importance in some parts of the globe. It is agreed that because of these unhealthy eating habits there is a severe impact on fitness and lifestyle in society. This essay will discuss firstly, the hazardous effects of unhealthy food and fattiness amongst people because of junk food followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Fast food contains a lack of nutrition and proteins and such kind of food never fulfils our daily need and as a result, there is a severe effect on the body. Due to unhealthy food habits, there are invitations for a number of diseases. For example, a recent study shows that fattiness amongst people has increased at an alarming rate and the main reason for that is fast food. As a side effect of overweight, there is an invitation for other diseases including high blood pressure and unbalanced sugar level in a body.

Overweighed person neither achieves better lifestyle nor excellent fitness and resulting in a lack of self-confidence. As there is a lack of self-esteem, it is very hard to achieve success in life for those people. For instance, in my school days due to my friend’s fattiness, he was always a butt of jokes and he never gains respect in my class. Because of his health issues, he was unable to complete his assignments on time and finally, he got a failure in our SSC examination.

In conclusion, although junk food is available at a cheap rate, it has the unrecoverable and worst impact on both lifestyle and diet. I believe that to achieve success in life we have to keep ourselves fit and healthy and for that purpose, we should focus on good eating habits.

[Luschen]

Hi Deepak, I think your essay addressed the prompt fairly well, but looking at the prompt it sounds like an excellent essay would address fast food’s effects on lifestyle in one paragraph and its effects on diet in a second. To me it is not that clear how your essay is divided.
Your first paragraph talks about how unhealthy fast food is, I supposed that answers the “diet effects”, but your second paragraph just talks about the disadvantages of being overweight.
Fast food is not even mentioned at all in your second body paragraph, which would probably indicate that your essay is not quite on topic. Your writing is clear, but you do have some odd sounding phrases and excessive repetition. I think overall, I would give this one a band 6. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Deepak_Suresh_Tibhe

At many places, fast food is available at a cheap rate {“rate” is usually used for a service, not for a product} and it has vital importance {“has vital importance” seems a bit vague - in what way?} in some parts of the globe. It is agreed that because of these unhealthy eating habits there is a severe impact on fitness and lifestyle in society. This essay will discuss firstly, the hazardous effects of unhealthy food and [obesity] {“fattiness” is used to refer to food, not to people} amongst people because of junk food[,] followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Fast food contains a lack of nutrition and proteins and such kind of food never fulfils our daily [needs] and as a result, there is a severe effect on the body. {I think this setnence has too many "and"s} Due to unhealthy food habits, {it is not really a “food habit”, it is an “eating habit”} there are invitations {“invitations” sounds a bit odd, although “it could invite disease” sounds ok} for a number of diseases. For example, a recent study shows that fattiness [excessive weight] amongst people has increased at an alarming rate and the main reason for that is fast food. As a side effect of [being] overweight, there is an invitation {this is very repetitive} for other diseases including high blood pressure and unbalanced sugar level in [the] body.

[An overweight] person neither achieves [a] better lifestyle nor excellent fitness[,] resulting in a lack of self-confidence. As there is a lack of self-esteem, it is very hard to achieve success in life for those people. {if self esteem is the problem, couldn’t helping fat people to accept themselves the way they are be an easier solution?} For instance, in my school days due to my friend’s [fatness], he was always a butt of jokes and he never [gained] respect in my class. Because of his health issues, he was unable to complete his assignments on time and finally, he got a failure in [failed] our SSC examination.

In conclusion, although junk food is available at [cheap prices], it has the unrecoverable and worst impact {“the unrecoverable and worst” sounds pretty awkward here} on both lifestyle and diet. I believe that to achieve success in life[,] we have to keep ourselves fit and healthy and for that purpose, we should focus on good eating habits.

[Torsten]

We kill billions of animals every single day worldwide because we have become addicted to cheap meat. If this trend continues the window of opportunity to turn climate change around will be closing rapidly.