IELTS Essay: Investment on Arts


#1

Hi Luschen,

Could you please evaluate my essay. Please grade my essay between IELTS band 0-9.

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that money I better to spent elsewhere.

To what extent do you agree with this view?

Nowadays, arts play a significant role in our daily lives and many times, it helps us to understand the culture of particular region across the globe. In addition, it plays a vital role in entertainment and help students who what to build their career in art related areas and due to this, many governments are spending a lot of money for arts exhibitions.

First of all, arts are considered as a national interest. In some countries, arts have significant importance and government establishes and maintains organizations that preserve arts. For example, Canada, USA, UK, Australia have art museums all over the country that exhibit ancient arts. People who are interested can visit the museums free of cost. The government undertakes the cost of maintenance. Moreover, this increases the level of interest among the people. Thus, the government puts an inconsiderable amount of effort to preserve the arts in the form of museums, craft exhibitions.

However, many people in the society are deprived of basic needs and it is believed that instead of spending money on arts government should invests in a health and an education sector. But, it is also agreed that, in today’s busy schedule everyone is up to the neck at work and because of the same reason some refreshment is needed. Film exhibitions helps us to understand popular movies in different countries and that can be helpful to entertain ourselves. We can also understand the effects and technology used to produce films. On the top of this, Encouragement for arts from government improves the livelihood of thousands of people who base their career on arts. This proves beneficial both to people who work on arts and others who enjoy arts.

To conclude, although, it is understandable that government should invests money in basic needs,

I believe that art has a paramount importance in our lives and it is a fruitful investment on these things.


#2

Hi Deepak, your writing in this essay was once again quite good and your ideas are clear. But I don’t think you quite addressed the prompt correctly.
I think you need to state your specific opinion in your thesis statement instead of waiting until the very end. Plus, your first body paragraph did not really focus on the dilemmas inherent in prioritizing the government budgets.
Overall, I would score this one a band 6 because of the deficits in task achievement. Here are some specific comments: