IELTS - causes and solution about the environment

hi eveyone, i am a new member. i am preparing for ielts test. Could you revise my IELTS essay? Thank you very much.

Topic : Human activities are damaging the environment in many part of the world. What activities can cause harm to the environment. What can be done to prevent this?

My essay:
The environment are badly damaged due to human of destruction activities. There are a number of actions in relation to this problem and measures must be taken to prevent the environment from deterioration.

There are two main factors which do harm to the environment. Firstly, the rapid speed of industrializaion make the environment become worse and worse. The waste and toxic chemicals directedly released into the rivers or oceans without being treated affect the soil and natural creatures living in the water. Secondly, the increase in the number of private vehicles such as car and motorbike run on fossil fuel energy also leads to the environmental pollution. Because emissions from these transports contain a tremendous amount of CO2, the main element causing greenhouse effect, disposed into the air.

To improve the invironmental status, both government and individuals should take the responsibility for this. The government ought to introduce and enforce new laws and regulations against actions that damage the environment. If any companies or organizations refuse to follow these kinds of rules, they must be heavily fined or sentenced to prison. Every citizen should join hands to protect the environment by little acitivities like choosing public transportation or bicycles as daily travel instead of car and motorbike.

All in all, the quick pace of industrialization and the usage of personal transportation are major reasons making environmental degradation. Therefore not only authorities but also individuals must response to tackle this problem to improve the quality of the environment.

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Please rewrite this sentence as it contains a number of very basic grammar mistakes.

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Ok, the emvironment is being badly damaged…

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In general I think you will be able to achieve band 4 to 5 on the IELTS scale the value and relevance of which is decreasing rapidly.

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