Hi everyone, please help check my writing as I am preparing for the ielts test. Many thanks!

[Ha_Le]

You are staying in rented accommodation. Recently you had a small accident in the kitchen which caused some damage. Write:

• To explain what happened
• What damages were caused.
• What you want the landlord to do.

Dear Mrs. Susan,

I am Ha Le and renting your apartment number 12A at Phu My community. I am writing with regard to some damage in the kitchen.

Yesterday afternoon, I had experienced a small accident which made your cooker break up. While I was cleaning the floor, I was slipping over because the floor was wet. My legs hit the table nearby and made the cooker fall down.

The cooker’s cover came off and I could not attach it. The signal light in the cooker also did not work.

I apologize for my carelessness which leading to the damage. I know the cooker was your friend’s gift and you have always wanted to protect it. As I have just moved to this place recently, I do not have any contact of technicians, could you please call someone to my accommodation to fix it and I will cover all the fee of repairment. I will be staying at home at this weekend, so it would be great if the technician comes around this time.

Once again please accept my apology for the damage.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Ha Le

[Luschen]

Hi, you followed the prompt well and I think your letter was effective in answering all the required points.
Still, you had a lot of incorrect verb tenses, which made your letter sound pretty unnatural. Please see my suggestions below:

@Ha_Le

Dear Mrs. Susan, {we never say “Mrs. Susan” - here in the southern US, children may address adults as “Miss Susan”, but for your letter it should be “Dear Mrs. Nguyen,” or if you have a close relationship with the person, “Dear Susan,” }

[My name is] Ha Le and [I am] {I would probably add “I am currently renting”} renting your apartment number 12A at Phu My community. I am writing with regard to some damage [that occurred] in the kitchen.

Yesterday afternoon, I had {past perfect like this is used when something happened before something else, both in the past - “I had just finished lunch when I broke the rice cooker.”} experienced a small accident which made your cooker break up. [broke your pressure cooker]. {Break up" means to break into small pieces - often in the case of boats - “The ship ran aground in the storm and broke up.” - “cooker” seems too vague - what kind of cooker?} While I was cleaning the floor, I [slipped down] because the floor was wet. My legs hit the table nearby and made the cooker fall down. {“and knocked off the electric griddle.”}

The cooker’s cover came off and I could not [reattach] it. The signal light in the cooker also did not work [no longer works].

I apologize for my carelessness which [led] to the damage. I know the cooker was [a gift from] your friend and you have always wanted to protect [cherished] it. As I have just moved to this place recently, I do not have any [contacts for] technicians[;] could you please call someone to my accommodation to fix it and I will cover all the [repair fees?] fee of repairment. I will be staying at home at this weekend, so it would be great if the technician comes around [at that] time. {but you have not given a time, only a day - so better, "… comes around on Saturday.}

Once again please accept my apology for the damage.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Ha Le

[Ha_Le]

@Luschen

Dear Mrs. Susan, {we never say “Mrs. Susan” - here in the southern US, children may address adults as “Miss Susan”, but for your letter it should be “Dear Mrs. Nguyen,” or if you have a close relationship with the person, “Dear Susan,” }

[My name is] Ha Le and [I am] {I would probably add “I am currently renting”} renting your apartment number 12A at Phu My community. I am writing with regard to some damage [that occurred] in the kitchen.

Yesterday afternoon, I had {past perfect like this is used when something happened before something else, both in the past - “I had just finished lunch when I broke the rice cooker.”} experienced a small accident which made your cooker break up. [broke your pressure cooker]. {Break up" means to break into small pieces - often in the case of boats - “The ship ran aground in the storm and broke up.” - “cooker” seems too vague - what kind of cooker?} While I was cleaning the floor, I [slipped down] because the floor was wet. My legs hit the table nearby and made the cooker fall down. {“and knocked off the electric griddle.”}

The cooker’s cover came off and I could not [reattach] it. The signal light in the cooker also did not work [no longer works].

I apologize for my carelessness which [led] to the damage. I know the cooker was [a gift from] your friend and you have always wanted to protect [cherished] it. As I have just moved to this place recently, I do not have any [contacts for] technicians[;] could you please call someone to my accommodation to fix it and I will cover all the [repair fees?] fee of repairment. I will be staying at home at this weekend, so it would be great if the technician comes around [at that] time. {but you have not given a time, only a day - so better, "… comes around on Saturday.}

Once again please accept my apology for the damage.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Ha Le

Hi Luschen,

I’d like to pose my re-writing. Please help me check.

Many thanks and best regards,
Le Ha

Dear Susan,

My name is Ha Le and I am renting your apartment number 12A at Phu My community. I am writing with regard to some damage occurred in the kitchen and need your support.

Yesterday afternoon, I experienced a small accident which broke your rice cooker. While I was cleaning the floor, I slipped down because the floor was wet. My legs hit the table nearby and knocked off the cooker.

The cooker’s cover came off and I could not reattach it. The signal light in the cooker also no longer works.

I apologize for my carelessness which led to the damage. I know this cooker was a gift from your friend and you have always cherished it. As I have just moved to this place recently, I do not have any contacts for technicians; could you please call someone to my accommodation to fix it and I will cover all the repair fees? I will be staying at home this Saturday morning, so it would be great if the technician comes around at that time.

Once again please accept my apology for the damage.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Ha Le