Hi all, please correct my essay and score it! Thank you!

Topic : People who earn lots of money are successful.
Success cannot be defined in word or groups of words. Success means different things to different people. It implies subjective. It is associated with inner conscious not with exterior force. So question arises that People who earn lots of money are successful! Of course money makes people happy but it is momentary. Money cannot remain in a hand forever. One can acquire all worldly material with money. He may have mansion to live in, deck up in bright and lacy attire. He has never kept his feet on the pavement beside a road. But it doesn’t mean s/he is successful. Success and happiness appear to mingle each other. That person is successful who is happy with what he has acquired. Actually, it is our attitude, self satisfaction make us happy or of course successful. If we unveil Indian history, we come to know that in the olden days, many of the kings having prosperous life went to the forest to get solace. They remained there until they are died.
Who does not know about Lord Buddha? He was the founder of one of the major religions in the world……That is Buddhism. Buddha (Siddhartha) was the son of great king, named Shudodan. He had owned a huge empire: Kapilavastu. Frightening with the thought that his son would renounce all worldly affairs to get enlighten, the king made all lavish arrangement in the palace.But he is destined to remove ignorance spread in the world. He absconded to leave everything even his wife and son also. He meditated for many years; He didn’t eat anything, at last He got enlightenment. This true story falls light on the virtue of success which cannot be acquired with money.

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

Success cannot be defined in word or groups of words. Success means different things to different people. It implies subjective. It is associated with inner conscious not with exterior force. So question arises that people who earn lots of money are successful! Of course money makes people happy but it is momentary. Money cannot remain in YOUR handS forever. One can acquire all worldly materialS with money. He may have mansion to live in, deck up in bright and lacy attire. He has never kept his feet on the pavement beside a road. But it doesn’t mean s/he is successful. Success and happiness appear to mingle each other. That person is successful who is happy with what he has acquired. Actually, it is our attitude, self satisfaction WHICH make us happy or of course successful. If we unveil Indian history, we WILL come to know that in the olden days, many of the kings having prosperous life went to the forest to get solace. They remained there until they are died.
Who does not know about Lord Buddha? He was the founder of one of the major religions in the world. That is Buddhism. Buddha (Siddhartha) was the son of great king, named Shudodan. He had owned a huge empire: Kapilavastu. Frightening with the thought that his son would renounce all worldly affairs to get enlighten, the king made all lavish arrangement in the palace. But he WAS destined to remove ignorance spread in the world. He absconded to leave everything even his wife and son also. He meditated for many years; He didn’t eat anything, at last He got enlightenment. This true story falls light on the virtue of success which cannot be acquired with money.


NIce Essay.

Hi Katty
Thank you very much for prompt reply.I want to know more about,Please do write. I could not understand…Just a confused kid, trying to find a way through twists and turns of life…Please suggest me how I can improve my creative writing.
Thank you very much.

Hi Neelam!
“Just a confused kid…” That is part of my profile, it ain’t a comment for you :P!
That’s just me. Any way, you have to work on your past, future and present tense grammer excercises. Your writing skills are not that bad but if you wish to improve, you have to focus more on reading and solving grammer excercises. All the best :)!