Hi all, can you check my first essay?Thanks all

Hi all, can you show what is my fault. Thanks

Topic: Which would you choose - a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends of a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

What is your purpose to choose a work? Some people try to work hard to get more money. Others prefer to work only to have a job inspite of low salary. Everyone has own his choice for the work. In my opinion, I will choose a high-paying job with long hours but have little time with family and friends for the following reasons.

To a start with, money is very important with me. After graduation, I will have an independent life. I have to own my life without my parents’ help. I also have to save money to get married and build a new family in future. There are a lot of problems need money when I grown up. Therefore, I accept a busy life, provided I have a high income.

Moreover, I like to take risk. Youth is time for everyone to get experiences. Although I can get stress after long working time, I do not mind trying myself to grown up more. I really do not like a general and boring job which you always wait the quit time to enjoy the leisure life and depend on others’ money. It is not suitable with my character.

Last but not least, now I do not have more opportunities to meet my family and friends. I lived in a coutryside with my family. Now Iam moving to the capital to study and work. Therefore, I only can meet my family twice a year. But whenever I miss them, I can phone to talk with my parents or sister. In other wise, my friends also have their busy life. We often meet and chat each other every weekends.

For all above reasons, Iam convinced that high-paying job but have little time with my family and friends is suitable with my ambitious, character and my life. I hope that everyone has the wise decision about his job.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Ben Franklin’s life does the speaker mainly discuss?

I have adopted the attitude of ignoring multiple posts, which is really the very last thing I want to do, but I am fed-up of sending PM’s to these people asking them not to do it.

Whilst I am here I might also ask posters to stop posting more than one essay at a time.
The whole point of your work being edited is in the hope that you will learn something
from reviewing it closely, and thus eliminating your errors from your next essay. If you cannot accept the rationale behind this, then you are wasting both of our times.

Iam so sorry Kitosdad. I really donot know that I shouldn’t post many essays in a while. You are right “your work being edited is in the hope that you will learn something
from reviewing it closely”.
I will never make this mistake. Now, can you smile and check my this essay? Thanksyou!

Hi all, can you show what is my fault. Thanks

Topic: Which would you choose - a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends of a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

What is your purpose IN choosING a JOB? Some people try to work hard to get more money. Others prefer to work only to have a job in spite of low ITS salary. Everyone has own his THEIR OWN REASON choice for the work JOB THAT THEY CHOOSE. In my opinion, I will choose a high-paying job with long hours(.)

To a start with, money is very important with TO me. After graduation, I will have an independent life. I have to /own/SHOW RESPONSIBILITY FOR/ my life without my parents’ help. I also have to save money to get married and build a new family in future. There are a lot of problems THAT WILL need money TO RESOLVE when I HAVE grown up. Therefore, I accept a busy life, provided I have a high income.

Moreover, I like to take riskS. Youth is A time for everyone to get experiences. Although I can get stress after WORKING LONG HOURS, I do not mind(.) trying myself to grown up more. I really do not like a general and boring job WHERE you always wait FOR FINISHING time to enjoy the leisure life and depend on others’ money. It is not COMPATIBLE with my character.

Last but not least, now I do not have more opportunities to meet my family and friends. I lived in THE couNtryside with my family. Now I am moving to the capital to study and work. Therefore, I only can meet my family twice a year. But whenever I miss them, I can phone to talk with my parents or sister. In other wise, my friends also have their busy life. We often meet and chat each other every weekends.

For all above reasons, I am convinced that high-paying job THAT LEAVES little time FOR ME TO BE with my family and friends is suitable with my ambitious, character and my life. I hope that everyone has the wise decision about his job.
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Good morning Slova and WELCOME to our Forum. Not bad for a first submission. We will get you to where you are going.

Kitos. 7.5/10

Thanksyou so much, Mr. Kitosdad. My English is very poor, and now I’m trying much. It is not bad start. But there are a lot of fault to check. I will have to try more. :slight_smile: