Hello,
I don’t know if this is the best forum to post this.
I’m going to do an english test and I’m practising my writing, I would like to know which common mistakes I usually do.
I need your help to look at my essay and give me some feedback, a review.
I would like to know things like:
1 - If I answered the question
2 - Grammatical errors
3 - Sentences I should like in another way
Whatever is wrong. I’m going to post the essay and a number to identify it so you can refere to essay in your replies.
Essay number 1
Question:
As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Answer:
The increase of cooperation and facility to move from one place to another are guiding different societies to an unified single society, unification of markets and businesses. This phenomenon may affect people’s culture but won’t result in a total loss of identity.
In today’s world the massive communication and inter-cooperation between different countries is necessary as a result of how markets and businesses operate. In fact globalization are leading us to a point that in some situations we do not know anymore where we are from.
An example is what is called mixed race, people which have parents from different races. For that people there is a difficulty to say where are they from and which culture they belong, mother’s culture or father’s culture. Moreover, globalization are influencing people not just in their nationalities but also in what people watch on TV, listen on Radio and eat. For example now you have cable TV everywhere and people watch the same programmes and are influenced by the same artists.
On the other hand, culture identity is something intrinsic, that belongs to culture and the globalization won’t change that at all. We have some examples of that, if we look at some countries, such UK, which has people from every part of the world and neither UK nor people who live their did lost their culture. In fact nowadays, almost every society watch, listen and eat the same thing. However, they continue to have their own TV’s programmes, food and way to dress.
In conclusion, the globalization may affect societies cultures but won’t lead to the total loss of cultural identity.
Essay number 2
Question:
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
Answer:
In today’s world education is getting more and more important, so teenagers are always under stress to give their best at school. As a result they don’t have time to others hobbies or activities.
In fact nowadays students have to work more to achieve good results at school. There is several causes for the little time that teenagers have for themselves. First, some parents want their children to succeed at school so they can have a better job. Therefore students are under pressure even when they are at home.
Second, unemployment levels are increasing everywhere and that means that if you do not have a degree you will not be able to get a job because of that there is a bit emphasis to go to the University. Finally in some universities the ratio between the number of places and the number of applicants is huge so if you want to go to the university you must be among the best students, and if you want to go to a top university you have to work even harder.
In order to solve this problem parents should be more educated about the student life and how they are under pressure. Teachers and governments must have a role on this matter. Another solution could be building more universities or expanding current universities. With this measure we would have more places for students.
In addition, school could give less work to students restructuring all courses. Take my own example, at the University I had five modules per term and all with homework, tests, practical work and exams. One module does not need so many evaluation methods.
In conclusion, to solve this problem teachers, governments and parents must have a role on this matter.