Help me, make it to be perfect

[Superteen]

Help me, make it to be perfect. Thanks!

I had a picnic with two young sisters last month in Do Son beach. This was the time that I couldn’t forget in my life. We stayed Do son beach for 2 days.
At that time, in Friday we got up earlier than usual. After the breakfast, at about 6 o’clock we took a bus and went to the beach. It took us 3 hours get there. When we had just arrived, in front of us is the sea, it made me feel extremely surprise, because Never had I stood on a beach. My two sisters look so happy, they shouted very loud. After that we rent a room in a hotel near the beach. We put all our luggage in our room, and went out the beach. My two sister run fast on the sand, I walked on the sand without shoe on my foot, I could feel a strange feeling. There were many people, lying on the sand under brightly coloured umbrellas, or standing on the edge of the water, or bathing in the sea. Some childrent were trying to play games. They looked so happy.
At about 11 o’clock, we had luch in a normal restaurant. Food was so expensive there, but it was rather delicious. We was deeply impressed by the meal of fish and rice gruel.
After that we went back our room and took a rest. Untill 3:30 p.m we went to the beach again and took many photos, and we had bathing in the sea. People there shouted with waves crashing onto the beach. That was so amusing. And then we had dinner in the restaurant at 7 p.m.
And then was really a happy time of us. We rent a double bicycle, and went around there. There was crowed. There was many double bicycle were running on the street next to the beach. That was a funny! And we went back our room at 10:30 pm, finished a funny and a little bit tired day.
Early in the following morning tomorrow, we had breakfast and we went shopping in a big market near the beach, and bought some presents for our friends. Then we came back home.
About me, this is a picnic that I always remember.

[Beeesneees]

I had a picnic with my two young sisters last month on Do Son beach. I had the time of my life. We stayed at Do Son beach for 2 days.
On that Friday we got up earlier than usual. After breakfast, at about 6 o’clock we took a bus and went to the beach. It took us 3 hours to get there. When we arrived, in front of us was the sea. It made me feel extremely excited (‘surprised’ implies something sudden happened), because never had I stood on a beach. My two sisters looked so happy, they shouted very loud. After that, we rented a room in a hotel near the beach. We put all our luggage in our room, and went out to the beach again. My two sisters ran fast on the sand, I walked on the sand without shoes on my feet, it was a strange feeling. There were many people, lying on the sand under brightly coloured umbrellas, or standing on the edge of the water, or bathing in the sea. Some children were playing games. They looked so happy.
At about 11 o’clock, we had lunch in a restaurant. Food was so expensive there, but it was rather delicious. We was deeply impressed by the meal of fish and rice gruel.
After that we went back to our room and took a rest until 3:30 p.m, when we went to the beach again and took many photos, and bathed in the sea. People there shouted when the waves crashed onto the beach. That was so amusing. At 7 p.m. we had dinner in the restaurant.
Then we had a really happy time. We rented a double bicycle, and pedalled around the area. There was a crowd. There were many double bicycles cycling on the street next to the beach. That was funny! We went back our room at 10:30 pm, to finish a funny and rather tiring day.
Early the following morning, we had breakfast and we went shopping in a big market near the beach, and bought some presents for our friends. Then we returned home.
This is a picnic that I will always remember.

[Blue_Snow]

I wonder why you used shouted loud not loudly? And I think it must have been “went back TO our room” in some last sentence. Am I correct?

[Beeesneees]

No. It was because of the ‘very’.

[Superteen]

Thanks you so much, Beeesneees.

[Beeesneees]

One other thing, Superteen. I missed it hidden among everything but Kitosdad’s eagle eyes spotted it:

We were deeply impressed by the meal of fish and rice gruel.

To be honest, with my Western palette, I think I missed it because I was bemused by the fact that anyone could be impressed by fish and rice gruel!

[Haihao]

I wonder why you used shouted loud not loudly?

The issue is a little complicated.

1. “loud” can also act as an adverb. Generally speaking, both “shout loud” and “shout loudly” are correct in terms of grammar.

2. “loud” can also be viewed as an adjective in “shout loud” such as “look fine”.

Just my two cents.