GRE essay: National governments should devote more of their social programs...

“National governments should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults.”

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Though it is tempting to agree with the assertion, that the social programs, devoted to children are more important than those, devoted to adults, I believe it would be ill-conceived to do so. There is no doubt that children need a special care to maintain their development and socialization, but the prosperity of any nation depends on working adults. That is why I believe that the balance between those two options is needed for society to be healthy.

First of all, children are dependant and unprepared to take decisions on their own. During the childhood, they are quite susceptible to everything they see around. But once this period is over, their ability to learn decreases dramatically. Thereby, if children are not educated in time, it will be difficult to compensate the lack of knowledge for them when they grow up. The lack of knowledge may prevent them from admitting to a university, and ultimately, from finding an appropriate and well-paid job. In order to prevent consequent social problems, it would be wise to provide them proper conditions to study. Education is the most important for children to become prepared for living in the society, thereby public schools should be available for everyone.

However, just education is not enough for adequate children rising. While they learn for several hours a day, they have considerable amount of free time. I believe that there should be social programs devoted to helping them finding an appropriate occupation for their leisure time. It is important, because when any person have no idea what to do, he tends to become depressive. His tries to find an occupation himself may have detrimental effects. For example, a child is likely to devote all his free time to computer games, that will negatively affect his health and marks. Or he can probably decide to go with his friends to a construction side, because there they can find interesting machines and “toys” like a barrel or a pipe. To prevent this from happening, special clubs and circles for children should be founded. In that case, every child would be able to find a safe and developing occupation, which is interesting for him. One may like playing soccer, while another one may try to fly a helicopter model.

On the other hand, social programs for adults are important as well, because their well-being is vital for the economy. They are the people who work to provide services and manufacture goods, which are necessary for prosperity of the whole society. They are not only have to support themselves, most of them also have families to take care of. In addition, they pay taxes, which are used to support those members of the society, who cannot work themselves, like children and retires. Ultimately, they provide the government with that very funds, that are necessary to introduce the abovementioned social programs. Therefore, proper functioning of any country requires enough amount of working adults.

In my opinion, the government should pay special attention to such problems, as unemployment and health care. An unemployed person, especially the one, who has a family, needs support during the time, that he spends looking for a new job. If he is in especially desperate situation, the lack of support may make him committing a crime to help himself.

Health care is especially important for people, whose job is related with working in harsh conditions. An example of such professionals are miners, who are vulnerable to various lung diseases. In my opinion, the government should make sure, that they receive appropriate medical treatment and diagnostics. Otherwise, they will soon become unable to work, that will increase the burden on the rest of working people.

In conclusion, I believe that social programs, devoted to children and to adults are equally important. While well-being of the nation at a given moment depends on working adults, in the perspective it depends on their children. If a government wants its country to prosper for a prolonged period of time, it should pay enough attention to the both groups of people.

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I did not manage to fit in time, but decided to finish it anyway.

“National governments should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults.”

———————————————

Though it is tempting to agree with the assertion that the social programs devoted to children are more important than those devoted to adults, I believe it would be ill-conceived to do so. There is no doubt that children need a special care to maintain their development and socialization, but the prosperity of any nation depends on working adults. That is why I believe that the A balance between those two options is needed for A society to /be/REMAIN/ healthy.

First of all, children are dependant and unprepared to /take/MAKE/ decisions on their own. During the childhood, they are quite susceptible to everything they see. around. But o Once this period is over, their ability to learn decreases dramatically. ThereFORE, if children are not educated in time, it will be difficult to compensate the lack of knowledge IN them when they grow up. The lack of knowledge may prevent them from BEING ADMITTED INTO a university, and ultimately, from finding an appropriate and well-paid job. In order to prevent consequent social problems, it would be wise to provide them WITH proper conditions to study. Education is the most important for children to become prepared for living in the society, thereby public schools should be available TO everyone.

However, just education ALONE is not enough for THE adequate RAISING OF children rising. While ALTHOUGH they learn for several hours a day, they STILL have A considerable amount of free time. I believe that there should be social programs devoted to helping them finding an appropriate occupation for their leisure time. It is important, because when any A person have HAS no idea what to do, he tends to become depressive. His tries to find an occupation himself; AND THIS ACTION may have detrimental effects. For example, a child is likely to devote all his free time to computer games. that THIS will negatively affect his health and marks. Or he can MIGHT probably decide to go with his friends ONto a construction side SITE, because there they can find interesting machines and “toys” like a barrel or a pipe. To prevent this from happening, special clubs and circles CENTRES for children should be founded. In that case, every child would be able to find a safe and developing occupation, which is interesting for him. One may like playing soccer, while another one may try to fly a helicopter model.

On the other hand, social programs for adults are important ALSO, because their well-being is vital TO the economy. They are the people who work to provide services and manufacture goods, which are necessary for prosperity of the whole society. They are not only have to support themselves, most of them also have families to take care of. In addition, they pay taxes, which are used to support those members of the society, who cannot work themselves, like children and retireEs. Ultimately, they provide the government with THOSE very funds that are necessary to introduce the above mentioned social programs. Therefore, THE proper functioning of any country requires enough amountS of working adults.

In my opinion, the government should pay special attention to such problems as unemployment and health care. An unemployed person, especially the one who has a family, needs support during the time that he spends looking for a new job. If he is in AN especially desperate situation, the lack of support may make LEAD TO HIS committing a crime to /help himself/IMPROVE HIS CIRCUMSTANCES.

Health care is especially important for people whose job is related with working in harsh conditions. An example of such professionals are miners, who are vulnerable to various lung diseases. In my opinion, the government should make sure that they receive appropriate medical treatment and diagnostics. Otherwise, they will soon become unable to work(.) That will increase the burden on the rest of working /people/SOCIETY.

In conclusion, I believe that social programs devoted to children and to adults are equally important. While THE well-being of the nation at ANY given moment depends on working adults, in the perspective it depends on their children. If a government wants its country to prosper for a prolonged period of time, it should pay enough attention to the both groups of people.
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Good morning Lenazh. It was quite well written, although you do tend to use punctuation where none is required. Short sentences usually require none, and sometimes even longer sentences, depending on what is being written.
I suggest that you read your finished work aloud, and this will pinpoint where commas are needed.

Kitos. 8/10

Thank you very much for your remarks, Kitosdad.

But I don’t really understand this one:

I believed the word “functioning” to be a gerund, therefore I thought is shouldn’t require any articles. If I understand it correctly, it is a noun looking like a gerund. I tried to Google it, but I failed to find anything about this. Could you please give me a link on a rule explaining this one?

Hello Lenazh. Perhaps you won’t find a rule find there. It is the way that I would write the sentence. Feel free to ignore it if you wish to do so. Would you have had the same opinion if I had altered “proper functioning” to " efficient functioning"? Both have the same gerund.