Grammer: I stayed with a single mother, Mary, far out on Alabama’s empty roads...

English as a Second Language English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
1

Hey, I’m new to this forum.

I hope you will take your time and correct my grammer in this text:

I stayed with a single mother, Mary, far out on Alabama’s empty roads in a shack without water and toilet, but at least with electricity, a TV which often really functioned, and an old refrigerator which looked good against the cardboard walls of the shack. Both Mary and I romanticized our relation-ship there in the middle of Alabama’s seething racism, and she had three pistols and a rifle to de-fend herself, in case something should go wrong. The days I spent there with her and her son, John, were joyful and relaxing.

When I had to go away for some time to be present at a Ku Klux Klan meeting up in Kentucky, Mary gave me a silver cross which should protect me on the journey. But later it turned out that Mary could have used this silver cross more than I. Apparently for no other reason than she had had a white man staying in her house, three white men one night threw an incendiary bomb into her kitchen, and the whole house was in flames in a matter of seconds. She and John made it out of the house, but her brother who lay sleeping, died in the fire, and all that was later found of him was his teeth. Later Mary told me about the accident:

Mary: My dog also died.

  • You said the fire started in the kitchen, and that someone had thrown a petrol bomb in there?
  • I guess it doesn’t really matter…yes, they did.
  • What happened when you came out on the road?
  • I tried to get in three times to get my brother out…I couldn’t, everything was on fire.
  • Who found the remains of your brother?
  • People who came over here afterwards…
  • What did they find?
  • I don’t know what they found, I was still in shock.
2

Please, someone?

3

Mumigirl, there is very little to correct. It was a very revealing story. Have no concern, it is very well done.

Kitosdad.

4

First, grammar isn’t spelled with an ‘e’.

Since your control of grammar and vocabulary is very good, I think you could further benefit from some constructive criticism on a couple of finer points, especially about how to handle writing dialogue.

Also, I made a couple of remarks in blue regarding continuity within the story.

Otherwise, a well written excerpt. The seems to be a sample from a larger piece of work, as it doesn’t quite stand alone as finished piece of work.

5

Hi Skrej,

This is a translation from danish to english, so I’m not the writter of this text.

I have just translatede it.

This doesn’t make sense to either: “The narrator is white, and presumably living with a black woman. Why would the author, apparently an active member of the KKK, (a hate group that spews racial bigotry) be living with a black woman?”

But I know the writter is a danish photografer named Jacob Holdt.

A thank to you also, Kitosdad (:

~ Mumigirl

6

dear sir,let me ask you one doubt.can i answer to somebody when they ask me like this,who will shut the door?shut i

7

Ah, then perhaps he’s not going to participate in the KKK meeting, but rather just to take photographs. This would make sense then.

8

There’s more to clean up, but time is finite, so I’ll just mention this:

You said (that) the fire started in the kitchen, and that someone had thrown a petrol (as previously stated – in the US it’s “gas”, not “petrol”) bomb in there?

Re-write: You said that the fire started in the kitchen, and that someone had started it by throwing a gas-bomb in there? (“in there” could be deleted, as the assumption is that said bomb was tossed into the kitchen)

(and since someone – one person – threw it…)

I guess it doesn’t really matter… yes, HE (or “she”) did.

(because a single person cannot logically be referred to as “they”… since “they” is plural.)

9

Hi Prezbucky,

Yes, I have already handed it in, but thank you anyway (:

~ Mumigirl