Please correct this essay， thank you so much! (
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life
I disagree that if you do not make sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will not have a successful life. Although there is no denying that this method will help you succeed, success is influenced by so many factors that we cannot simple say this is the only way. Furthermore, you may not have a successful life by this means. Therefore, I think there are another two elements that are important to succeed.
First of all, we have to accept that opportunities are more important than we expected. Consideration must be give to the fact that to some extent opportunities are an indispensable factor to achieve success. For example, as we all know, Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard University and then founded Microsoft. His creation story has spread for decades of years as a legend. Gates is no doubt a genius and we all know his strength and accomplishment. But he also owes his success to the opportunity, the background that software industry began to spring up at that time. This inspires him to drop out of Harvard University resolutely. And if he continued his study, he would not grasp the rare opportunity to be successful. Although Gates is a little modest, maybe the influence of Microsoft as well as himself would not be so great if he choose to graduate from Harvard University. Hence we see how important the opportunity to success is.
Another reason is that success needs careful planning. Especially one’s decisions can impact one’s own life in a significant way. For example, the CEO of a company must weight all of his options cautiously. After all, due to a miscalculation on his part the company could incur significant losses. Not only himself but also his workers will be impacted. Consequently, the CEO’s carelessness could cost him his job or, even worse, could cost the jobs of other workers in the company. Although some influential people or potential employers know about the strength and accomplishment of the CEO before, we cannot say he would have a successful life without careful planning in the future.
As far as I am concerned, making sure that other people know about your strength and accomplishment will help you succeed. But there are too many factors that have effect on success. So it is rather superficial to simply say that if you do not make sure other people know about your strength and accomplishment, you will not have a successful life.
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a social science class (2)
Please correct this essay， thank you so much! (
)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never BECOME successful in life
I disagree that if you do not make sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will not have a successful life. Although there is no denying that this method will help you succeed, success is influenced by so many factors that we cannot simple say this is the only way. Furthermore, you may not have a successful life by this means. Therefore, I think there are another two elements that are important to succeed.
First of all, we have to accept that opportunities are more important than we expected. Consideration must be give to the fact that to some extent opportunities are an indispensable factor to achieve success. For example, as we all know, Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard University and then founded Microsoft. His creation story has spread for decades of years as a legend. Gates is no doubt a genius and we all know his strength and accomplishment. But he also owes his success to the opportunity, the background that software industry began to spring up at that time. This inspireD him to drop out of Harvard University resolutely. And if he HAD continued his studIES, he would not HAVE graspED the rare opportunity to be successful. Although Gates is a little modest, maybe the influence of Microsoft as well as himself would not be so great if he HAD choSEN to graduate from Harvard University. Hence we see how important the opportunity to success is.
Another reason is that success needs careful planning. Especially one’s decisions can impact one’s own life in a significant way. For example, the CEO of a company must WEIGH all of his options cautiously. After all, due to a miscalculation on his part the company could incur significant losses. Not only himself but also his workers will be impacted. Consequently, the CEO’s carelessness could cost him his job or, even worse, could cost the jobs of other workers in the company. Although some influential people or potential employers knEw about the strength and accomplishment of the CEO before, we cannot say he would have a successful life without careful planning in the future.
As far as I am concerned, making sure that other people know about your strength and accomplishment will help you succeed. But there are too many factors that have AN effect on success. So it is rather superficial to simply say that if you do not make sure other people know about your strength and accomplishment, you will not have a successful life.
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Kitos. 8/10
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